Dating American Style

What do we think of dating American style? Dating numerous men at once! I have a friend who has recently come out of a long-term relationship and is now dating American style. She is currently juggling 4 men, having great fun whilst doing it but finding it exhausting keeping tabs on the conversations she has had with each of them. She isn't getting tripped up as they are located in different parks of the country, plus I should highlight when you 'American Date' it's no further than 'first base'! Could I do it? Jeez it's hard enough to find one decent guy in his mid thirties in Dublin to date let alone two. Whilst Internet dating however, I did have the pleasure and girls it's a whole new experience, it's liberating, as you're in control, and if you don't get a call back from date one, you always have a few more up your sleeve! I would recommend each of you to try it at least once, the american dating, you all know my views on internet dating.
Take note of the feeling, the old feeling of uncertainty when dating doesn't exist, and your the one with the power, for once you don't feel it always has to be a man's world! If you have tried it, want to hear your experiences...

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Sharing a bed with a platonic male friend - a no, no?!

Another interesting debate that took place the other evening was, 'would you trust your guy sharing a bed with a platonic female friend'?

I have done it on a couple of occasions I regularly offer my mbf a bed on a Saturday night but he always cheekily says he wouldn't trust himself, I promise I'd slap him so hard he wouldn't attempt it a second time. I have a good male friend who lives in Germany he regularly visits on the last occasion he stayed his gf who is 8 yrs his junior was screaming down the phone demanding to know the sleeping arrangements!

Is it maturity? Is it trust in a relationship? Or should it be an out and out no, no...as to quote one of the gals 'human nature is guaranteed to step in'!

Let me hear your thoughts...

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Who is stronger in a relationship?

In a conversation over a Pinot the other night the gals and I debated who was stronger in a relationship, that is, who wears the trousers? The conversation developed from, how we singletons lose friends to their other halves...the girls tend to socialise with their bfs and
other couples, whilst male friends seem to vanish into thin air! Their new gfs seem to lack self-confidence and find a very platonic friendship, which may be decades old, threatening! If I hadn't chosen to jump him in the last ten years, why would I now that he's happily attached? What makes women feel so threatened? I'd love to see 'me' thru their eyes; do they see some little sex kitten purring over their man? I promise reality couldn't be further from that image. An
example: a good friend's gf was taking a few months off travelling; the trip was planned prior to their meeting. I told her I'd ‘keep an eye out for him’, make sure he wasn't dying of loneliness ...her retort was 'over my dead body'! They are now married and he has cut all contact... I find it saddening to lose a friendship due to unfounded jealousy of a partner. We all know who wears the trousers in that relationship.

One of my friends mentioned every time she catches up with her childhood mbf he brings his gf along with him. That would frustrate the hell out of me, my mbfs are my confidants; they know my every secret and I trust them wholeheartedly for those secrets to remain so, not being able to share a heart to heart with them in person with a gf present... Well to be honest the heart to hearts would never happen. I have two mbfs who share their email account with their wives! You could imagine my horror when emailing my childhood friend who lived in Australia, on what I believed was a personal email address about personal family stuff and his wife replying.

I firmly believe there should be no secrets in a relationship but is this, a step too far?


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Are the insecurities of some ruining it for the rest of us?

For years I have felt men's expectations on the first encounter are far too high. It's rare on a night out to meet a guy for the first time who doesn't suggest taking you home. There's no getting to know you first, no wining and dining, they just want to get straight down to business. I have asked myself a thousand times, what is giving them the confidence or the god given right to think they can expect 'it' on the first night?!

Last night I got chatting to a beautiful young girl who was waiting on her date, whilst he was looking for his jacket.

In a conversation that could have lasted no more than 5 minutes she apologised for her distracted attention, as she 'kept' a firm eye on the man that she had just met. She told me she didn't trust the other women, hanging around in the bar. She considered them vultures and they would attempt anything to get their claws into her man! His coat hadn't turned up; she offered to drive him in the following morning, to pick it up; confirming she was taking him home. A man she feared no more than two minutes previous would walk away with any woman.

What makes a beautiful, intelligent young woman with an amazing figure and beautifully turned out want to take a guy home like that when in my view, she could have any guy, who would treat her right! Why does she need to take him home in an attempt to keep him?

Are 'easy' women ruining it for the rest of us? Giving a girl who seems to have it all, feel she has to pull out all the stops to reel a man in? Are they giving men high expectations, which in turn are used as a bargaining tool with us, who won’t ‘put out’ on the first night?

Food for thought…

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A man's point of view #3... This made me blush!!!

There’s something that’s been confusing me for a long number of years. It’s goatee beards. This ‘half a beard’ fashion has been around for about 10 years, maybe longer and as a guy I just cannot understand what makes a guy grow one.

So, ladies, why is it so prevalent? Guys must feel it makes them more attractive or they wouldn’t wear one. It’s not like it’s going to keep him warm through the winter, not like a full-grown bushy beard would.

Is it attractive? I’m a straight guy and I feel I have a good idea of what you females look for but I just can’t see why this has remained so popular in men’s grooming.

This has been on my mind for years and the only reason I can think of for the goatee is a practical one.

In the bedroom…

You know, he’s operating down below.

Get my drift?

Is that the secret to why it’s still with us??

Ladies, you tell me…


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Love’s young dream…

I witnessed something lovely last weekend, the development of a new romance before my eyes…the old fashioned way!

Two mutual friends have been recently introduced and cupid struck at first sight…now ‘nothing’ has happened yet, well to my knowledge anyways; they are in the ‘getting to know each other stage’, afraid to rush anything in case the bubble bursts. But the flirting, and swooning looks like they are almost participating in a love dance; it is fascinating to watch. There is a glazed look over both of their faces, you just know they’re in love! They just smile if you mention the other’s name. You can almost see the birds flying around their heads!! Not to sound ‘twee’, but it gives you a warm fuzzy feeling just witnessing it.

It’s so long since I’ve witnessed this; in fact I can’t remember if I have before but it’s just like a little miracle developing in front of my eyes.

It made me think, when it happens for me, it will happen; all the speed dating and Internet dating in the world isn’t going to make it happen any faster.

But when it does…I hope it will be as romantic for me, as it is for my friends!!


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Breaking up, it's hard to do!

Why does it hurt so much when breaking up with someone, when you’re doing the breaking? Even though you know it's not right; you know it doesn't have a future and/or you know you deserve better.

Is it the apprehension of being alone? The feeling of not being part of ‘something’, you’re left feeling like you don’t belong? But isn't it better than the alternative? Being unhappy alone, than unhappy in the wrong relationship? At least, the former is temporary!

You may say misery enjoys company; but have you thought about the soul-destroying effects of being trapped in the wrong relationship? The loss of self-confidence for starters and its side effects; the loss of identity, when you feel you’ve disappeared into the background. The feeling of being taken for granted.

Breaking up, even when it’s hard to do, is the bravest thing in the world to do, cut the ties, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, get to know YOU again, LIKE yourself and get out there to have fun! The pain won’t go away overnight, but when it does, you’ll wonder why you wasted so much time in the wrong relationship! Look at your friends, I bet you’ve neglected your ‘single’ friends whilst attached, pick up the phone, we’ll welcome you back into the fold wholeheartedly.

Being single can be fun; it isn’t an infliction no matter how ‘they’ sometimes make us feel! I’d rather be enjoying life, happy in my single life, than miserable and attached.

I’m sure hundreds of us have horror stories to share, but when we look back we’re better people for walking away!

Want to hear your thoughts!

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Can we bring yesterday back around?

I was sitting in the car, stuck in bumper-to-bumper rush hour traffic; a song came on the radio; the Saw Doctors, ‘Can we bring yesterday back around…’ - Sugar Babes also have a version of it! I tuned into the lyrics and then got lost in my own thoughts; the lyrics ‘Can we bring yesterday back around…'Cause I know how I feel about you now…’ started to haunt me!

Old memories of lost opportunities started to come flooding back. There is one guy in particular, Keenan, I could dedicate a whole book to him, let alone a blog!

We met in London, both Irish, introduced through a mutual friend at a regular Friday night gathering outside O’Neill’s in Covent Garden. First impression, I strangely thought he was arrogant...I can’t remember now, how the transition took place from thinking he was arrogant to becoming very good friends. I grew very fond of Keenan very quickly; we’d make a ‘b-line’ for each other when our pals met up, on a Friday, for after work drinks. We would end up sitting in a corner and talking all night, just the two of us. We worked quite close to each other in the City and would regularly meet up during the week for lunch. I wasn’t long from a bad break-up and another relationship was far from what I wanted. Keenan was just a friend, and I wasn’t in a place to even contemplate anything further; it never even occurred to me that he might want more.

As the weeks and months went on, our friendship grew stronger. As our group of Irish pals grew, we’d meet up at the Porterhouse, Covent Garden to watch rugby or GAA games at the weekends. The girls started commenting on the friendship Keenan and I shared. How he may have feelings for me; all of which were brushed off. Until I began to listen, I couldn’t hear or see what they were saying, but as soon as I was awake to it, I realised I had been brushing off Keenan’s advances for months, unknowns to myself. A year out of a bad relationship, I didn’t want to jump into another, but Keenan was different, we had an amazing connection, except now I feared I had rejected him one too many times.

During that time, I learned a lot about myself, about how much damage my previous relationship had done. How the once confident girl no longer existed. To this day, I have surrounded myself with good friends, but none equal Keenan.

Keenan had introduced an Irish colleague of his, Neal into the group. I made that extra effort with Neal, as he was Keenan’s friend. Neal and I hit it off straight away in a brother/sister way, we swapped numbers the second time we met and after that, were inseparable. Neal was just one of the girls! I invited Neal to everything, but didn’t have the courage to invite Keenan, as I feared rejection. Since, I now knew there was ‘something’ between us, the sexual tension just seemed to get in the way of our friendship, I was no longer the relaxed happy-go-lucky girl he grew to love. At the time, I hadn’t realised my close (very platonic) friendship with Neal, was destroying the connection I had with Keenan.

One Friday night, having got caught in the office I turned up late to drinks at ‘Waxy’s Little Sister’. Keenan was well on his way to merridom! As the bar closed up, and we were moving to Chinatown for a regular late night dinner, Keenan and I were the last to leave the bar, he helped me with my coat and said: ‘why won’t you kiss me?’…It came out of nowhere…I couldn’t believe my ears…I said: ‘what did you say?’ in a shocked manner. He replied: ‘nothing!’ I hadn’t the courage to say, ‘I heard you’, or kiss him; I was in state of shock.

Here was my Mr Perfect, my best friend, standing in front of me, asking me to love him…and I froze, not because I didn’t want to love him back but I wasn’t able to respond, I was completely dumbstruck!

Keenan decided not to come to dinner, he walked me across the street to the restaurant door and gave me one of his huge teddy bear hugs, and he always gave the best. I asked him that night, if he ‘would bottle one for me, so I could have it on tap, when I needed it most’; he said, ‘they’re only best, when served fresh’. I wanted to raise the question again but Cix our mutual friend, was standing at the door trying to hurry us up, she wasn’t taking the hint to ‘get lost’, so to speak. I couldn’t get the words out to say ‘stay’ or ‘kiss me’…

Keenan and I never shared a kiss whilst I lived in London. I left London a year later; I needed to come home to find myself, so to speak, I asked work for a transfer back to Dublin.

The day I flew out; I posted Keenan a card from Heathrow Airport, the ‘greeting’ on the card stated ‘You’re my one in a million…’ he remains that to this day.

I will always have the regret but the Keenan story doesn’t end there…



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A man's point of view # 2

I’ve only had the pleasure of being in love once in my life and one of the strongest aspects of that relationship was that not only were we boyfriend-girlfriend but that we became best friends as well.
 
I’m not a strong believer in the concept of soul-mates, ie there being one person perfect for you on the planet. (If that’s the case it’s a bit depressing. What are the odds of you meeting that person? The world is a large place!) But I do believe that the concept of being great friends who happen to be in a relationship is vital if it is to last. This might sound like an obvious statement to most people but you’d be surprised how many relationships wouldn’t survive if it weren’t for the sexual aspect of it. They just can’t be platonic friends, the friendship just can’t survive without the sex.  Once the relationship is over they just walk away and rarely see each other again, if ever. I’ve been in those kind of relationships too, they all lasted 2 months at most. Yeah, they can be great fun and the sex is great but they rarely leave anything lasting to remember them by.
 
There’s an old idea – You should choose a partner whose company you enjoy at least as much as you fancy them because as the years go on and you both grow old the physical attraction will wane but hopefully the friendship will not.
 
One negative in all this is if the relationship breaks up, the loss feels greater as you lose a friend as well as a lover. But the rewards when it clicks, in my view, are worth it.
 
So, reader – What do you think? Any experiences of your own to share?
 
 
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Ever consider dipping the toe into company ink?

Dipping the toe into the company ink? Dirtying on your own doorstep? Whatever analogy you would like to use; dating at work, would you consider it? Have you done it? How did it happen, were there stolen glances across the photocopier? Intense moments shared in the lift? Any regrets or horror stories to share?

I worked in a company where, if two colleagues had the same surname, 8 out of 10 times it was more than just a co-incidence; they were married and had met at work. It was socially acceptable to seriously date in a highly professional environment.

After all why shouldn’t we? We spend more than a third of our day, five days a week at work, which increases the chance of crossing paths with Mr Right.

Yes, I hear you say, but what if it all goes wrong? If we spent the entire time second-guessing the outcome, we wouldn’t be actually living life!

Me on the other hand…well when it comes to men’s interest, they’d have to sky write it before I’d notice and even at that, the chances of me looking up, are slim and nil!

For example, in my previous job, I travelled a lot across Continental Europe with a male colleague who worked in one of our European offices. He was very attractive and we always enjoyed the banter. However, I was far too young and naive to spot the signs – not saying maturity has improved that skill – but subtly wasn’t this man’s strongest point!

When travelling he always took responsibility for the hotel bookings, he always booked small intimate family run hotels where no one ever spoke English and I was reliant on him to translate. Every evening we would end up in the bar alone at night, he always seemed to find a stray eyelash on my face that he felt the need to blow off whilst getting me to test some lethal concoction of alcohol he discovered. Our rooms were always side-by-side and he regularly arrived at my room in nothing but his boxers, 30 minutes after saying goodnight, to ask a question or ask me to ‘squeeze toothpaste on his toothbrush’, literally, no kidding!

In my maturity if that’s not a come-on, what is? In my incidence, I duly obliged…with the toothpaste, that is.

I use to amuse my friends for hours with these stories; yes they found my naivety amusing.

What stopped me? God only knows!

An olde sock for every olde shoe...

I remember bumping into an old friend from school on the street one-day and one of the first questions they asked was, if I was married. They then proceeded to tell me ‘there is an olde sock for every olde shoe’; if singledom didn’t depress me, the thoughts of been referred to as ‘olde shoe’ certainly did! Yes, the positive sentiment within the phrase is lovely.

Another analogy I hate is ‘left on the shelf…’ in this day and age, shouldn’t it be ok to be single? Without feeling the pressure?

How many of us have experienced the family wedding and the dread of the olde grandaunt dishing 101 embarrassing questions…‘well, have ya no man yet?’ making you feel like you had a highly infectious disease, and you really want to say: ‘Granny, speak up, I don’t think the Chief in the kitchen quite heard that!’

As for the smug-couples; how easy they forget how it was like to be single; a ring on your finger seems to affect their long-term memory. My girlie friends who are long since married, remember single life as having the pick of men, like walking into a candy store! I remember being out for drinks with 8 couples and the girls started pointing to men as if they were inanimate objects, ‘what about that one?’; ‘ or that one?’

I’ve lived through experiences that would easily resemble scenes from a Bridget Jones’ movie. Feeling like I had two heads purely because I was single.

As for receiving wedding invitations, with just my name on it i.e. no guest/friend invited. Yeah, I really want to be a spare tool for the day and hangout with smug couples; ever heard the expression, two’s company, three’s a crowd! Ever consider putting yourself into our shoes?

No, this isn’t a note from a bitter person. My day will come, my knight in shining armour will appear on his noble steed and when he does I will never subject any of my single friends to the crap I’ve been subjected to in the past.

Aren’t we better off being happy single, than being miserable is possibly a bad relationship? Or worse settling, for stake of being part of a couple, instead of feeling a sense of belonging you feel discontent.

Shouldn’t we be allowed to enjoy being single whilst we are and soak up the benefits of it…whatever they may be? (“,)

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Sugar and spice and all things nice…

As we have gotten older have we lost our femininity and is reality dragging us down? I'm not referring to our ladylike mannerisms or sense of dress; but have we sacrificed our girl-like nature to suit men? All those ‘things’, sugar and spice and all things nice, that make us different to men. For example, I would never take a BF with me when shopping; shopping malls are full of bored men standing outside dressing rooms waiting to answer the dreaded question, for the 100th time; 'does my bum look big in this?' why would I subject him to it? I don’t need to ask, I’m well aware how big my bum is! Is this where I am going wrong?

I spoke to a colleague last night, also in his mid thirties, we were discussing relationships, he proceeded to tell me about the girl he's 'knocking about with', very eloquent don't you think? She's 14 years his junior, my gasp was: 'now, what do you two have in common?’ he proudly replied, without hesitation, 'Nothing!’ and then he said: 'she's a breath of fresh air'...’my world is mortgages, stress and worries caused by the recession; her world is sugar and spice, her biggest concern is what shoes she's going to wear; it's refreshing, it’s like medicine. I can switch off and I look forward to seeing her, it’s better than therapy!’

He’s not the first guy I have encountered, dating a significantly younger woman. I’ve a good friend in his early forties, who seems to avoid any woman over 30, and any woman who has not been born this side of South America.

Should there be a reverse in roles, should I be telling my gal pals about my hard day at the office, my concerns about the hikes in mortgage rates and ‘him’ about the new shade of lipstick I just bought? Food for thought! xoxo

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False advertising

I was out on Saturday night with my gal pals; we were in the home of our favourite Powder Room. There were five of us, enjoying the banter and each other’s company; when out of nowhere came a swarm of men!

Luscious Lisa reported the swarm approaching…with a ‘well hello ladies, what have we here’, as I turned around I saw five married men. The first place I looked wasn’t their face, but their left-hand. When I reported so, it wasn’t something Lisa had noticed, but as I surveyed the girls 60% of us said, it would be the first thing they would look for.

They swarmed around and came in for the attack; Lisa was their first victim. Within a few minutes I realised something was missing…a few wedding rings! In fairness to some of them, they were just up for the craic; all clean fun, and they were genuine nice guys, who like us, enjoyed the banter. However, one cheeky chap despite his pal saying he was married with 3 kids denied all knowledge of them. He had a silver band suspiciously looking like a wedding ring on his right hand. As he was asking for my friend’s number, he faked insult when I challenged him on the fact.

Why do men do this? I regularly have this conversation with one of my MBFs who I regularly go for a drink with. He is content in a relationship but that doesn’t stop him putting the charm on the ladies when we are out. He’s an attractive man, and I can see the charm being spread on smoothly…the girl always confirms my status, i.e. making sure I’m not his girlfriend. I regularly give him an ear bashing; saying he’s leading them on and it’s false advertising, as he’s not available for a relationship. Not only that, I think it’s incredibly disrespectful to his lovely girlfriend.

When I was in my early 20's, and I’d get into a conversation with a guy who promptly said he was attached, I use to immaturely translate it as ‘arrogance’ but now with wisdom in my years I appreciate a guy saying that. At least, you can enjoy the conversation for what it is, a pleasant conversation. Unlike some of my friends I don’t believe he’s ‘wasting my time’, I find talking to new people interesting, figuring out how they ‘tick’ fascinating and you always learn something new from each conversation. I love hearing a man’s version of how he met his other half and I love to hear how a man describes his better half…it teaches you a lot about the person. Try it sometime, you’ll see what I mean.

The false advertising however, I do not appreciate. It’s leading us single girls on. I have been a victim of it myself. I think last summer I had three brats in a row. One coincidently lived in my neighbourhood and as I wasn’t drinking that night, I offered him a lift home. We spent an hour talking in the bar and 5 hours talking whilst sitting in my car. A good foundation for the start of something, don’t you think? Getting out of the car he informed me he was ‘unreliable’! Unreliable? What has that got to do with meeting for a coffee? I later discovered he was attached and living with his partner.

Maybe we should start a movement of getting our attached male friends to promptly admit they are attached when they are out; as for our married friends…

Welding the wedding band onto their finger a bit extreme?


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Are men as confused about love as us?

I ran into my soul mate last night; don’t get excited, this isn’t some major revelation, this is the man who appears when I need him most, to pick me up, dust me off but when he disappears he cracks another little piece of my heart!

He is fondly and aptly known as ‘Trouble’, it’s a name coincidently we both used to refer to the other, unknowns’ to each other. Trouble and I always had an ‘on-off’ relationship. You may remember I telling you about a brat who told me he was 37 when I met him; after dating him for some time, I fell upon his passport – come on, I had to look, a peep at the photo and his middle name, his date of birth was irrelevant at the time, I didn’t even look at it initially. Something told me to pick it up for a second look. I’m not one to use profanities but boy did a string of F’s roll off my tongue that night, as I subtracted the year he was born from the year I was born, my screaming voice to: ‘you’re f’ing forty-four’ had quite a ring to it at 4am!

Trouble, is my nemesis. We met on my birthday, 4 or 5 years ago; we caught eyes across a crowded bar and he eloquently said; ‘come here!’...it was his face that drew me in; as my friend Lisa says, he has the face of a cherub. You instantly warm to him; he looks like a good, kind person. It didn’t happen that night for us; it was probably a year later.
If you saw Trouble and I stand side-by-side you’d say he was my perfect other half, physically, we mirror each other, so to speak. One night a complete stranger sitting beside me in a bar, saw Trouble come over, say something into my ear and disappear; she asked if he was my BF, I replied: ‘not exactly’, her response was: ‘you’re cheating nature by not being together’!

If you asked me this time yesterday, I would have told you I was over Trouble, on the path to recovery so to speak. As soon as a friend mentioned he was in the bar last night, I could think of nothing else. Five minutes later my tummy is doing summersaults. My friend Cara was with me, I admitted there and then without hesitation that I was still in love with him, but I know I can’t go back!

Apart from the occasional conversation about Trouble’s upbringing, I know very little about him. He’s a closed shop, you get windows of opportunity, when he’s unaware he lets the guard down. You might get a snippet of insight into who Trouble really is, or what his life experiences are. He’ll talk about work and family but nothing more than superficial stuff. When he speaks proudly of his nephews, you know he would make a great dad. I have no idea of past relationships; I only know what a close friend of his has told me. Ever heard the expression ‘the left hand doesn’t know what the right is doing?’ well in Trouble’s case, the left hand, doesn’t realise the right hand even exists!

The weekend of the All Ireland Football Final I ran into Trouble whilst in our regular watering hole, I was on a girlie night with my good friend Rose, Trouble approached and said: ‘hey, how are you?’; on occasions like this, he usually gave my friends the Spanish inquisition; asking ‘where were they from, how long they had known me, and how did we meet’. This time he didn’t get to put Rose through her paces as I coldly said: ‘I’m not talking to you!’ and I turned away. Not my typical style but he had recently hurt me.

Trouble tends to display Jekyll and Hyde qualities, during a crisis six months ago, he was amazing, very supportive, I could have never imagined the support I got; it was completely unsolicited. He’s the best in the world for advice; about 3 months ago I rung Trouble, left a voicemail asking to give me a call; but I got no response, a week later I sent an SMS suggesting brunch I told him I needed ‘big brother’ advice. On the same day his profile appeared on my Facebook as a ‘friend suggestion’, I added him; he never responded to my text and to this day the ‘friend request’; now typically I don’t tend to think twice about ‘friend requests’ and I am not going to get sensitive about it but when it comes to ‘Trouble’ I took it to heart. Going from Mr Supportive to Mr Invisible? Hence the cold shoulder!

Rose and I had planned to meet other friends in the bar that night; my MBF was up from home. Once we found them, Trouble decided to position himself directly in my line of vision.

Ok, I was bold, and played games which I don’t typically do, but I told my MBF, that Trouble was watching and I openly flirted with my MBF for show. My MBF knew what I was at, and although my MBF knew who Trouble was, they had never met.

Last night, Trouble beckoned with his little finger, after he did a double take when he saw me, being a girl I of course had to get my dig in about him ignoring my call/text/friendship request; I am human after all! He retorted: ‘what, for big brother brunch?!’ I think the ‘brother’ was like salt on a wound. Trouble has a 14 year olds view on relationships, kiss a girl once and cut all ties...he has to do ‘all or nothing’, told him to grow up that he was 45 not 14...I am not confrontational, Trouble can dish the grief but can’t take it and he walked away.

Back I went to Cara to fill her in on the encounter, she was chatting to a nice guy, Ben. Cara quickly brought Ben up to speed; he informed me the ‘old flame’ still had feelings for me...according to Ben, men know these things seemingly! I said: ‘how do you think that?’ he replied ‘he can’t take his eyes off you and he’s throwing me daggers!

Prior to last night’s encounter, I often wondered if Trouble had treated me ‘mean to keep me keen’ in the past, if he really wasn’t all that into me but now I wonder if he’s capable of intimacy and letting himself go. During our on-off relationship it had crossed my mind that he’d been hurt very badly in the past by someone. Last night, in front of me, he described me to his friend as a beautiful, charming and caring person. That’s three more compliments than I have ever received from him in the past.

Over a milkshake he informed me how hurt he was to see me ‘flaunting’ someone in front of him, in ‘our’ place; referring to the watering hole, where we met and where our relationship developed and later saw its demise. The flaunting was me playing games with my MBF...oh, the guilt!
When I said to him, ‘it’s like you don’t want me, but you don’t want anyone else to have me’ he kept saying: ‘but you’re not listening to me, you’re not hearing me’ but he couldn’t verbalise whatever point he was trying to get across. I know he cares, I’d get lost in my thoughts, and he’d bring me back to reality by saying in the softest caring voice ‘are you ok?’ But none of it is enough.

Of course he tried his best to get me back to his, I told him I couldn’t, when he asked: ‘why?’, I told him it was because I loved him, and it would take me six months to get back to where I am now.
I boldly walked away and left him at Trinity College, whilst he was trying to hail a cab for us.

I text him when I got home, apologising for leaving him there but also saying: ‘I am in search of ‘my person’, someone to be with me through thick and thin, but you will always be ‘my trouble’, I will always love you and that I am here if you ever need me’.

I can guarantee this story, although yet unknown, is to be continued...

Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

First date ideas, anyone?

Yesterday on the Ray D’Arcy Show on Today FM, a listener rung in, looking for advice for a first date. It got me thinking, I’m useless when I am put on the spot to suggest first date options, and I cop out by leaving it up to the guy to ‘surprise me’.

I never know what to do but I do know what not to do, and believe it or not, it’s go see a movie! It inhibits conversation; a first date is like a test drive, if you don’t like the feel of the car, you may not want to take it for another spin! Eliminating the opportunity to talk, and get to know one another a little better, is detrimental to the possibility of a second date.

So, I’ve put my thinking cap on, forearmed for my next ‘first date’ let’s say.

1. Ice skating – not for the faint hearted!
2. Bowling
3. Bike riding – avail of the new bikes available to the public all over Dublin
4. Visit a tourist spot neither of you have been to before e.g. if in Dublin - Guinness, Jameson, Book of Kells; if in Paris – Eiffel Tour or New York take a way across the Brooklyn Bridge for ice-cream on the other side!
5. Visit the Zoo
6. Window Shopping but only if he’s metro- sexual; it would be a guy’s worst nightmare otherwise
7. Crazy Golf/Pitch and Putt
8. Visit an Art or Photography Gallery
9. A trip to the Circus
10. Visit an amusement park; when were you last on the bumpers?!
11. Go for a picnic – say, in the Phoenix Park
12. Have lunch at one of those restaurants where they make the food in front of you e.g. the Mongolian BBQ

Whatever you decide for your first date, be open to new adventures but only agree to do something or go somewhere you’re comfortable with. As mentioned in a previous posting prepare your 5 questions, applicable to every situation, to eliminate any awkward silences.

If you have any alternative first date suggestions please add them in the comment box below.

Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

A man's point of view...

As the readership of this new born blog, is steadily increasing in readership, both in numbers and by geographic location; I have asked one of my MBFs (male best friends) to share with you a man's point of view on dating and relationships; offering us single gals advice and basically help us to figure out how men think!

Basically, I'm sharing my MBF with you; he has very kindly agreed to submit a posting a week, with insightful thoughts and advice.

You are very welcome to submit questions or queries for him to answer by emailing… powderroomtales@gmail.com Anonymity guaranteed!

A man's point of view... #1

A funny story from a few years back: A guy had recently started going out with a girl, he was out with the lads in the club and was all in their faces about their reticence to approach any of the lovely ladies in the club to chat them up. He relayed how he had chatted up his new girl and ‘swept her off her feet’ and ‘You can do it too’ etc. On hearing this the girlfriend, who happened to be within earshot gave him a clip ‘round the ear and cut him down to size: ‘What do you mean?! I was the one who asked you out!’

Why don’t more women take the initiative? You’ve made huge strides for equality in so many spheres yet a lot of women that I’ve spoken to just won’t make that first move!

So you spot a nice guy across the room and flutter your eyelashes at him, flick your hair in his direction and generally leave him in no doubt as to your interest in him. You wait for him to approach. What happens when he doesn’t make any move? Take it personally that he’s not interested in you, and move on to the next good-looking guy?

There could be any amount of reasons why he won’t come over. He could be attached, he’s shortsighted, he’s intimidated by the gang of girlfriends around you or maybe he’s just shy to make the first move.

Seriously, girls should not be afraid to take control on this score. Most reasonable guys will be pleasantly surprised when it happens, they’ll be flattered even. I know I was. Only the odd guy will feel emasculated when you break the normal convention and start to chat him up. And, let’s face it, if he does take offence you don’t want to be with him anyway.

How many guys have you made eyes at, putting the ball firmly in his court which he failed to return, then you went home alone that night wondering why? At least if you make the move you won’t be left wondering about what might have been.

Single because you're shy?

For at least the last two years I've spotted this cutie around, he'd turn up in the strangest of places, completely out of context; it would leave me wondering where I knew him from. I would regularly mention him to my Mum and Sister, I nicknamed him ‘Ted’, short for teddy bear, he was just so cute and approachable looking!

The night he eventually made his move, I was holding two drinks, he asked me who the second one belonged to, he was dust before I got to answer. I had to wait another year for him to talk to me again. I thought he was gorgeous, he was my ‘Mr Perfect’ in every way physically.
I am rarely short of a thing or two to say but there has been an occasion or two, when completely in awe of a man, I can turn into a blabbering eejit. I used all my power to make conversation with Ted; I used a simple technique a Journalist friend of mine thought me some time ago. If you're shy, take note.

Prepare 5 questions, applicable to every situation. For example, ‘Any plans for Christmas?’, or ‘What did you do for holidays (vacation) this summer?’ avoid questions about work, some men interpret that as gold-digging! I used up every one of my 5 questions but Ted had nothing to say for himself. I was so disappointed; it was like getting blood out of a stone. Everything else is superficial, if the man can’t hold a conversation!
I relayed the story the next morning to my sister, her response was ‘don’t ever meet your hero!’...

I bumped into Ted last weekend, we got chatting, he confided that his heart had been badly broken...he was now very shy around girls he liked.
Shows men can be vulnerable too!

Don’t forget to prepare your 5 questions, they can be used in every situation, test them out on people...so when you see that cutie across the room, you won’t be stuck for words when he approaches you! xoxo

Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

Men are like buses...

How is it that men are like buses; when you have one, three come together! Is it just Murphy's Law? Or do we give off a different air of confidence when we're attached, that makes us more attractive to men?

If we look at the flipside, I wonder what impression must we be giving when we're single, an air of desperation? Is it something men sense? Is there 'an attached pheromone' that men pick up on but find it more attractive than the 'unattached pheromone'?

Can anyone shed light it? In some point in our lives it has happened to us all. Is it the challenge aspect? Do men love a challenge?

Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

How to lose a guy in 10 ways...

We've all seen the movie and thought it was hilarious but have you ever applied it to a relationship that went wrong? Contemplated how or why it went wrong? Maybe any of these 10 points may be applicable:

1. Being too needy, ringing him 100 times a day
2. Alternatively, ignoring his calls and texts
3. Saying 'I love you', too soon
4. Nit picking...being too critical
5. Being unladylike, embarrassing him in public...burping, farting or very drunk
6. Flirting with other men
7. Sleeping with him too soon
8. Start talking about marriage and babies on the second date
9. Take advantage of his good nature, never buy drinks or dinner
10. Being clingy, cutting off your friends and expecting his attention 24/7

Want to add to the list? Comment below!

Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

Intentions rather than Expectations?

As I was writing the blogs on Internet dating I was reminded of all the disappointment I experienced in the past due to built up expectations. Basically I was trying to dream Mr. Right into life; if only it worked like that. My friend Tina claims her mum is knitting her a man!!

Are we building ourselves up for a fall by having expectations? When we have expectations, we create a picture in our mind of what we want. That picture is usually very detailed and specific. Once created, it remains as a template against which we measure anything that appears.

We probably all have built a "template" of Mr. Right in our heads...and no man to date, has matched up.

Should we change our 'expectations' to 'intentions'?

Intentions arise out of a desire that involves some sort of action e.g. you go out, on a Friday night, you intend to have fun. There is willingness to take action to create appropriate response to what we desire.

So rather than expecting to meet Mr Right, go out and intend to meet a nice guy who is a good person.

Advantages? You eliminate the element of disappointment and all that brings with it!

Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

Text Generation

Are we living in a Text (SMS) Generation? Where it's no longer necessary for someone to be polite and respective enough to meet someone face-to-face to break up? Or ring to cancel a date? A text message is sufficient?

I was party to a conversation recently, one of the girls in the group mentioned she was cancelled a date the previous night by text. I asked, if that was socially acceptable? She claimed it was for her generation (she's 24), when I asked how old her date was, she advised 42; I gave her food for thought that maybe he didn't quite think it was acceptable.

Generation Y have been born into a digital age, never knowing life without mobile phones and the internet but our era Generation X (born between late '60s and late '70s) knew the meaning of politeness and timekeeping. Arrangements for Clery's clock at six, had to be kept, there was no means of contacting to say you were not coming or running late.

Has manners gone out the window? Or is texting an easy cop out? Is Generation X picking up bad habits from our younger counterparts Generation Y?

Food for thought!


Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

Internet Dating Disaster #3

Then there was Dane, also from Continental Europe. I thought if I’m going to dip my toe into the Internet Dating pool again, I am going to get it right this time. So, lots of emails and instant messages exchanged prior to meeting.

Dane had received a number of photos from me, and I had at least two from him. My first thought was that he had a nice friendly face. As I got to know him, he confided that he was conscious about his weight, now I like a man with a bit to hold on to! His tummy was of particular concern; he figured he looked about 5-months pregnant! Who am I to judge? I’m no supermodel!!

We had to rearranged our first date a few times...each time I felt strangely glad it was cancelled and wondered was my heart actually in this. The fact my friend Emma felt a colleague of hers dated Dane too hadn’t helped...the reports weren’t good. Emma’s ex-colleague was off travelling and not available for clarification, the few details Emma could remember were eventually to be proved correct.

We eventually arranged for Sunday brunch; the brat, that morning text to suggest a restaurant right on his door step! A place I was very familiar with, as an old flame lived in the complex; not for love or money was I risking a first date there!! Also on principle if a man is keen to meet you he should make an effort and at least come half way, and that’s exactly what I made him do! I suggested a rendez vous at a traditional Dublin meeting spot, the ‘tart with the cart’ - the Molly Malone statue - at the bottom of Grafton Street...as I crossed the street from Trinity College I spotted him in the distance...my first thought was ‘a 5-month pregnancy tummy?!’...more like 10-months with twins! Harsh I know, but you should have seen it!

In hindsight, I wished I had turned on my heels and walked away, which wouldn’t be my style and something I have never done. As I approached him, I greeted him with a very chirpy ‘Hello’; he looked at me as if I resembled dirt on his shoe. At this stage I really wished I had turned on my heels! He looked a state, was my next thought and when he eventually uttered something I realised he hadn’t a tooth in his head, literally! I winced with disgust. I won’t inflict you with the details of the most boring, painful date in history, with the tightest man in history; to make a long story short, I endured brunch, paid my share and made my excuses about needing to be somewhere. He walked me down Grafton Street and conversation was like pulling teeth, excuse the pun. I said my goodbyes at M&S, said it was lovely to meet him before I disappeared into the shop. I rung my friend Lisa and briefed her on the painful experience.

The next morning I was awoken by a text saying, ‘Good morning Gorgeous, hope you have a lovely day!’ I thought, is this man for real?! What part of the date did he think went well? I was onto Lisa before I even got to the office...she suggested an appropriate text message that gave him no doubts I wasn’t interested. It was nice but to the point. I wish I had it now, one or two of you out there may find it of use for the future!!

To say that will be my very last internet date is an understatement!!!


Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

Internet Dating Disaster #2

Hmmm who should I tell you about next? How about the French Adonis? Not to sweep them all with the one brush but the French do have a reputation for being arrogant; and Francois (not his real name) didn’t let me down on that score!

I ignored his initial communications...they made him sound too portentous. I think they started over a weekend, he emailed asking about my weekend plans and that he himself was expecting guests for dinner; he was cooking some exotic meal and had a bottle of Louis Jadot 2003 Corton Grand Cru breathing in a decanter. He emailed again along a similar vein, which again I ignored; then he sent me a slightly desperate plea...saying he had communicated with me twice, I hadn’t responded, he liked me but this was the last time he was making an attempt.

Let’s say he intrigued me...I wanted to know what was it about my profile that made him so keen. Once I did reply, he sent me his mobile number and suggested meeting up. He didn’t believe in beating around the bush! I text and within 30 seconds he phoned to arrange a date for the next day! Boy this man was keen! But oh the voice...he rang me whilst I was on the bus going to work...I nearly passed away by the sultry tones and the realisation that half the bus was tuned into the conversation, something I wasn’t quite awake for!

Date was arranged for the next day, coffee in the afternoon. I thought it was safe, after all I didn’t know much about this guy. It was coming up to Christmas and Dublin City Centre had its more than usual madness. I suggested a super bar for a hot chocolate; thinking it would be quiet, but forgetting about the hum drum of the Christmas shoppers; the bar was very busy.

I stood inside the door; this was a complete blind date for me. He had my photo but I had no idea what he looked like, bar the few lines of a description he sent on a text. Lost in my own world whilst I waited, I hadn’t noticed the door open until this Adonis was standing right in front of me...I could barely string a sentence together to say hello. He was gorgeous, average height, broad but looked very toned. He was dark with sallow skin and the most gorgeous pouty kissable lips I had ever seen on a man! I had to pinch myself, to pull myself together; I didn’t want to turn into a blabbering eejit!

We found it difficult to get a seat; everyone was on top of each other, very little room for privacy especially for a first date. We eventually found a seat, ordered coffee, we chatted naturally and quickly discovered we worked in the same industry and had quite a bit in common. Twenty minutes into the conversation he mentioned he liked to cook and he would like to cook me dinner; I thought, ‘wow, this means a second date!’...when he made the statement the lips would pout, OMG I nearly fall off my seat! This man, just by pouting could do awful things to a girl, (“,) if you get my drift! Whilst I was recovering from ‘my episode’ I had lost him in conversation and I said with a smile, sorry I missed that ‘...then I would like to do sensual things to you....’ with a pout... EXCUSE ME?! (I am sure the next table heard that!) And he said it again, just in case I didn’t get it the first time, and I stupidly asked, what do you mean by “sensual things”...like as if I didn’t know...he replied “naughty things” and he pouted again. ‘I could cook you dinner this evening...’

I’m no prude, but 20 minutes after meeting someone?! Honestly? I mumbled that I wasn’t that type of girl, I needed to know someone first...he told me if you change your mind, you have my number! We parted...that was probably the start of the end for me on the whole internet dating scene.

About a year later I was out with two girlfriends in a late bar, and one had said to the other in front of me, that the dark cutie was checking her out! Of course, as girls do, we all looked in unison in his direction. Now, I’m far from conceited, especially when it comes to men, but once I took one look at the guy, I promptly replied ‘No, it’s me he’s checking out!’...he was over like a shot whispering sweet nothings into my ear and saying, ‘where do I know you from...?’ An old friend appeared out of nowhere and interrupted the conversation.

Francois obviously got his memory back when he proceeded to send me suggestive text messages the next day. He’s still awaiting a reply!


Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

Internet Dating Disaster #1

Let’s call this guy Paul! Paul caught my attention in a very novel way by writing a poem. We exchanged great emails, and I have to admit I looked forward to opening my inbox.

In my view there are many disadvantages to Internet dating, one being all the excitement built up prior to meeting…generated from the initial contact, the excitement for each communication that you end up going to bed at night wondering could this be Mr Right! Expectations built up and when he doesn’t turn up on your first date in a full suit of armour, riding his noble steed, the disappointment is unbearable.

Sorry, I’m digressing. Paul’s emails were entertaining; he claimed mine were a breath of fresh air! He told me about a girl he had met online; she had made an innocent comment about grammar to him, which I gather was blown out of proportion. She was to become known as “grammar girl”! He had given me the impression she was in the past. That’s another disadvantage of Internet dating…you might be flirting online with just him; whilst he’s juggling a few girls at a time.

There was only one friend Emma that I confided in about these Internet dates. I didn’t want too many people to know. A few years ago, Internet dating was somewhat frowned upon but it was paramount that someone knew where I was and whom I was meeting for safety’s sake. Emma too had dipped her toe in a bit of Internet and speed dating and we regularly compared notes.

First date was arranged with Paul for Sunday evening. Emma happened to call on the Saturday and I confided in her about my date. All excited I spilled my guts about my new knight in shining armour, the poem he had written and how I had envisaged him. As I was rambling away, I could hear little giggles down the phone…when I asked what Emma was laughing at she informed me that she too had encountered Paul, he had also written her a poem and she had a date lined up with him for the following week. My little heart sank I was devastated!

We were both shocked about how small a world it was (if you continue reading these posts you’ll discover the world gets smaller). As she was chatting about her experiences with him, I suddenly realised that she was “Grammar Girl”! We made a pack that we wouldn’t tell him of the coincidence.

I went ahead with the date but my heart was no longer in it, I felt “my” Paul had evaporated into thin air.

I walked into the designated venue; there he stood inside the door with a bouquet of red roses and a gift bag! I was in awe; no one had given me red roses in a decade. Within the gift bag were three pairs of shoes and a tiara, the play type you give to a 5-year old for dress up. I’m a shoeaholic, I had mentioned that in passing in some email. It was so cute; I was really flattered.

As the date proceeded, I picked up a strong feminine vibe from Paul, his mannerisms etc., strangely enough it was like he started reading my mind by telling me his female colleagues often made gay remarks to him and he spent the night winging about them.

Not attractive in a woman, less attractive in a man. The date started to become tedious; a respectable hour to say goodnight couldn’t come around quick enough. He was enjoying himself, desperately trying to get me to stay for “one more 7up”, but thankfully being a school night I had a great excuse. He walked me to my car and I said goodnight. I don’t even remember kissing him on the cheek.

I told Emma I would reserve all comments until after she met him. It was only fair but I had said he wasn’t for me.

Emma arranged to meet Paul at a coffee shop in town; she was on time, she walked around the shop a few times but couldn’t see him. She stood outside for 20 minutes and rang me to say he was a no show. She gave it one last try and sure enough there he was sitting in the corner all the time looking at her. Needless to say that went down like a lead balloon. Paul and Emma didn’t have a second date.

I didn’t hear from Paul for months until I got a text late one evening asking ‘where was I?’ I mentioned, I was out with the girls, and he replied say ‘he was at home in bed and I was to come over…’ leaving very little to the imagination!! Needless to say he didn’t get a reply!



Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

Internet Dating...

Have you tried it? Would you recommend it? As mentioned in a previous post I have, and I came to the conclusion there is a very small pool of men in their mid thirties, living in Dublin looking for...Mmmm...saying "love" would be debateable! I could write a book on my experiences...maybe I'll publish one a day for the next few days to keep you amused!

If you have tried it, would you recommend a particular site to readers? I have tried a few but never again. I have given internet dating up as a bad job!

Regarding sites, a couple I figured all the men were on a mission for one thing, and one thing only...and love wasn't it! I gave a few sites a go, as friends kept telling me of people they knew who had good experiences and found love. Afterall that was my ultimate goal.

The last site I tried, was a refreshing experience. It was a little more expensive and it matched people up doing psychmetric testing. As it was a little more expensive I think anyone on it, was on it to genuinely find love. And yes I met lovely guys, who became best of friends but no spark. Testing for spark and attraction is not possible.

As for the other sites, I'll let you decide after you read my experiences...

Is there a reason for enduring a broken heart?!

So, you thought you met the one, but unfortunately he is now the one of many! Your hopes and dreams of walking up the aisle with him, or having his children are dashed! You thought he was your soul mate, and maybe he was (see my previous note on Soul Mates).
It hurts like hell, and your heart aches and you can't see any light at the end of the tunnel...all sound too familiar?
For those over a broken heart will agree hindsight is a wonderful thing. For those currently experiencing one, down the line, maybe a week, a month or even a year you will, and you'll wonder what all tears were for. Did he deserve the head space he rented out in your head? I can guess the answer to that one!
But have you thought that there's a reason for a broken heart?
In every relationship we learn something new about ourselves and we share experiences that we may not have ever encountered without that person in our lives. We grow as a person too. Think of yourself as an acorn, your shell has to crack for the seed to be implanted, for the Oak tree (aka you) to grow. Now think of your heart as the shell. With each broken heart we grow into the next stage of our life.
Now consider the fact your past relationships had a purpose in your life stage development, as did the broken hearts endured. Your ex's purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of your comfort zone, which only in hindsight you will realise was holding you back. He tears apart your ego a little bit, shows you your obstacles, breaks your heart open so new light can get in. Make you hit rock bottom and only then do you realise you need to transform your life!!

Have you had a stalker?

I was listening to Today FM this morning; Anton Savage is standing in for Ray D'Arcy this week. I missed the first part of the feature but very quickly picked up the gist of the conversation... a girl met a guy. How? Unfortunately I missed that, they exchanged numbers and he was now sending her something crazy, like 60 text messages a day. She was asking the show for advice on how to "get rid" of him.

Numerous other listeners started texting or calling the show to tell of their experiences. Either the same guy is texting half the women of Dublin or there are quite a few of these men out there. It reminded me of an experience one I had. I 'met' a guy internet dating, we started emailing for a while and he came across as pretty sane, so I gave him my mobile number, the first text was received the afternoon I gave him my number. I was driving home from work and the phone was sitting on the passenger seat...within a space of 7 minutes my phone beeped three times. All text messages were from him. The first one was an icebreaker, something funny...two minutes later he text again apologising for the first text and the next text was basically saying that he hoped I wasn't too annoyed with him.

My initial reaction was, "he's pathetic", then I thought, oh maybe he's nervous. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and I text back apologising for the delay in replying - all of 10 minutes - as I was driving.

Through email correspondence I had determined we had a lot in common; we worked in the same industry, both from the Country and living in the Big Smoke. I was trying to give him a chance and not be too hasty. To make a long story short, he turned into the male equivalent of a
bunny boiler! All this happened within days, so much so, we never actually met, I refused to go on a date with him. He was very clingy, ringing and texting non-stop. He'd ring, start an argument get frustrated as I'm not the argumentative type, he kept saying 'oh, you're annoyed with me' when I wasn't; he'd hang up on me and then spend the rest of the night, texting or email or IM-ing to try make-up!

I did the very "mature" thing and ignored his messages and calls. I know I should have been woman enough to be upfront. He eventually got the hint; it took the guts of a week or two though. He even tried to call me about 3 months later. But I am wise enough to keep numbers in my phone so I know when not to answer a call!

What is it that turns men needy and clingy like this? Insecurity? Is it a common thing?

Is our soul mate what we should be looking for?

We all at some point have said we are hoping to find our soul mate. A person we perceive to be our perfect fit. And isn’t that what everyone wants? But is that what a soul mate really is?
I recently read that a soul mate is not our ideal partner, one to share our future with but in fact a person who is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A person who will appear in our lives when we need them most; basically someone to give us a kick up the backside when we need it! A true soul mate is probably the most important person you will ever encounter in your life! And that in fact, it would be too painful to have your soul mate in your life 24/7, highlighting all your flaws, peeling layers off you, albeit for the better, but only so much of that you can handle all at once!
I believe I have met my soul mate...he turns up when I need direction and guidance most; he sets me on the right path and then disappears! When he does, it takes months to get him out of my system. I tried dating him and that was Trouble with a capital T! I could write a whole blog on him alone!!! I'll save more stories on him for a later date!
In the meantime, I want to hear if you've met your soul mate and if you agree with the above or you’ve found your soul mate in the love of your life! Xoxo

Should we cherish being single whilst we are?

Have you ever thought of the advantages of being single?

Here's a few:
* Sleep in the middle of the bed if you wish...
* Be spontaneous...do what you want, when you want and be answerable to no one!
* Control the remote...you don't have to endure football!!!
* Wear your Bridget Jones big panties when you want (",)
* Wear what you like in bed...even those grey undies!
* Not having to shave your legs every other day!
* Oh and one that regularly crosses my mind, whilst hungover on a Sunday afternoon strolling around Dundrum...no screaming kids!

But do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

Someone once told me that the view looking into a glass house was very different to the view looking out!!
Food for thought!! xoxo

Should age be just a number?

Should age manner in love? I dated a guy on and off for over two years, when I met him I had determined there was a 4 year age gap, to me it was just perfect! However, two years after meeting I was to discover the age gap was more like 9 years! To say I was in a state of shock was an underestimation. Although annoyed at the deceit I was amazed that I hadn't noticed the difference in our age sooner. That had perplexed me more; I had the misconception that an age gap that great would be more obvious. Then I wondered if age matter? Should it just be a number?
Why is it tradition that the man in the relationship should be older? Last night I bumped into an old flame, we got chatting and he asked me again for my number. He mentioned his age in passing and I nearly passed away! Note I did date this guy a few years ago, and albeit I was aware he was a little younger; I hadn't realised there was an 8 year age gap! He neither looks his age nor acts it. Whilst he was being quizzed by an overbearing male friend of mine, the age question came up, he told my friend to guess his age...an estimate was made of 5 years over...he replied ‘I was born after my time’. So, I thought if maturity levels are the same, should age matter? Does age it matter? Should it not be just a number?

Attention attached ladies we need YOUR advice!

So how do you decide if he's right for you and you want to keep going with the romance? Do you have a check list, and see how he matches up? Do you just hang in there and see where it's heading? Or do you initiate "the conversation" and risk flight?!

Do you just know when you know?!

A wise person once told me that starter relationships are painful. They can be frustrating until you know where you stand or do I feel that because I haven't met "the one". And if I had I'd know it would feel all very natural and right or is that my fairytale view when one meets Mr Right?

Ladies who believe they've met Mr Right I want to hear your experiences!! Help the rest of us in our quest! xoxo

Speed dating not for the faint hearted!!

Have you tried it? Had any success? I have to admit I have tried it twice, once when it was all the range...a time when 300 people would gather in the ballroom of the Alexander Hotel with the hope of meeting "the one"! One of my gal pals who came with me that night actually met her husband. The same night one of my guy friends fell head over heels for a girl named Siobhan, he promised her breakfast the next morning and cycled to Dun Laoghaire with it to discover she was a happily attached journalist doing a research piece! She wrote about him in the Sunday Indo that weekend. For me, the night involved meeting 20+ men, just as I started to warm up to the one that had just sat down, a fog horn would go off and he had to move on. You then get to sit there and painfully watch the one, out of twenty-something that you just "clicked" with, clicking with the next girl along. If you go, here are some tips: if brave enough to go alone...GO alone, or go with a male friend... if not, discuss with your gal pal what will happen if you both like the same guy. Good luck with that one!!! Secondly, think of insightful questions to ask...avoiding, believe it or not, questions re occupation. Men perceive it as gold digging! Your aim is get a good feel for the person, and if you have enough in common to date. Thirdly, go open minded, have no expectations and you should not be disappointed!! I’ll save my second experience for another day! xoxo

Have you a rusty gaydar?

I am the Queen of rusty gaydars!!! I can be so spot at times, I have a cousin I outted to my Mum when he was 12, poor kid didn't know he was gay himself!
Recently however, it's been playing up, my gaydar that is. I use to spot this guy in my regular watering hole...we had made eye contact on numerous occasions but we never spoke. A few months back I was at a reunion for a club I was involved in when I was a kid, and this mystery man appeared with a date. I thought he was so cute, typically I wouldn't give another woman's man a second look but this guy was just my type! We got to know each other and that night it had crossed my mind he was a little feminine, my friends knocked the idea out of my head. As the months went on, I continued to cross paths with this cutie pie and his "GF", I later discovered he was single and she was his FBF! I thought all my birthdays were coming together as he was always so lovely and charming, we would meet in the strangest of places and he was really growing on me. Recently I was out with one of my MBFs and ran into the cutie pie, my world came crashing down as he openly flirted with my very straight MBF. What do they say? The good ones are dead, gay or gone! I need to oil my rusty gaydar!

Matchmaking friends...a recipe for disaster?

Is matchmaking friends a recipe for disaster?
I'm your ultimate matchmaker, always at it! I don't know what motivates me...maybe karma, the hope if I make my friends happy it will come back to me. My Mum once told me off, claiming if I continue to match-make friends, I'll have none left to socialise with. I don't agree, I love to see people happy, and who better than my friends. I have one wedding and a few couples under my belt...I have had the few mistakes; female friends gone bunny boiler which has made me wonder if it’s more trouble than it’s worth!
I have two rules...firstly, I step back after the first date...they are on their own, that includes no relationship counselling, as I cannot take sides between two good friends. I don’t even ask how things are going; safer that way! Secondly, if the relationship doesn't work, I refuse to accept the excuse from either party not to turn up to something I am organising if the other is there!! After all we are all adults!
Hmmm, I am still awaiting friends to return the favour and wonder why they haven't!

Don't leave house, unless dressed to impress an ex!

I've heard that advice on more than one occasion, can't say I always obey it, in fact unless I’m going for drinks I’m more ‘a take me as you find me’ kind of girl. But this weekend I wished I had!! Not an ex, mind you but that cutey who has unashamedly been flirting with me in my regular watering hole! But this weekend I wasn't in my regular watering hole, I was on the road to join my gal pals for a girlie weekend away, when I pulled into a petrol station in the middle of nowhere...need I set the scene? Trackies, hair curly and tied up, wearing no make-up, covered in fake tan...so smelling as attractive as I was looking!! I pulled up to the pump, was filling up when in the corner of my eye I spied him. Took me a minute to place the‏ face and then it hit me like a truck; well after all it was out of context, in the middle of nowhere...I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me, I avoided his eye contact. I just hope he didn't recognise me...oh the shame! I suppose I won’t know until our next encounter...all I can say ...to be continued...
But I learnt one valuable lesson; I will never leave the house again without looking dressed to impress!!!

He's just not that into you!!!

Have you read the book? Or more importantly seen the movie? If you do nothing else this year, it's a must! You'll sit there cringing throughout and think OMG I've done that, that, and said that...you'll realise how pathetic us girls can be around guys! I regularly go out for a drink with my BMF (best male friend); I have witnessed girls making fools of themselves around him, shamefully flirting with him. I haven't thought OMG that girl is a fool, I have actually turned to my MBF and said OMG I was a fool, I was pathetic and probably did everything I shouldn't have, thinking of one guy in particular that I was crazy about. At the time, I couldn't see what I was doing wrong, the more he messed me about, the more I liked him...it was only seeing someone else wearing my shoes that made me realise my mistakes and ultimately, he wasn't that into me!! It's a man's world...but that's another topic for another day!

Facebook Dating...Is it me who only attracts the freaks?

Since signing up to Facebook, I've had random "pokes", (Facebook term which means popping in to say hi!) from complete strangers of the opposite sex. In the early days I'd entertain them, curiosity and all that. Subsequently, I unknowingly ended up on "Are you interested", a Facebook dating application...the anticipation and excitement of flirting with complete strangers was fun. Eventually the flirting and numerous emails would lead to the long anticipated first date. That's where the fun ended! I use to ask myself, how does one girl attract so many freaks?!

First was the IT guy, who had asked me to email some photos, on receipt he told me I had sent him a virus but he'd the software to fix it. My knight in shining armour, you'd think...this boyo put remote logon software onto my laptop...it was only discovered when I asked a neighbour to take a look when my laptop was playing up! He recently contacted me regarding software to listen to the radio online...he got an outright NO! Can't you just do that from a station's homepage?!

Second came the guy who was using a photo of himself from ten or so years ago...we chatted a fair bit prior to arranging a first date...my intuition told me something just didn't add up, he mentioned how girls liked him before they met but gave him the brush off afterwards...I'm not into looks but honesty is paramount to me...this self confessed suited and booted rugby player looked like an obese recluse who hadn't left the house in 10 years.

The final straw was the offspring of a junkie (not his fault) who had married a woman 40 years his senior for an American visa! She was 70, he was in his late 20s at the time and he wondered why the US authorities thought this match made in heaven was staged!

Please tell me I'm not the only one who has experienced such horrific dates!! Company in misery and all that! lol xoxo

Have you a checklist, are you checking it twice?

If you're single, has anyone ever told you it's because you're too fussy or picky? Not necessarily a bad thing but are you looking for the right things in a man? Are the right attributes on your checklist? If you haven't a checklist, why not?

How will you know you've found Mr Right if you can't recognise him, i.e. if you don't know what you're looking for? And no, I'm not talking about 1. He must drive a big car and 2. Earn a six figure sum...mind you it would help (",) kidding!!! Here's food for thought...think about your ex's or male friends and the qualities you like about them, and write them down...e.g. good listener, considerate, educated, thoughtful etc., etc. that's the basis of your list...now when you meet a man who starts to tick boxes it will be the right boxes!! Happy hunting, Amber xoxo

How does one know... he's the one?

OK so you've met what you think is Mr Right! He ticks all the boxes and you know he's crazy about you...but when do you have "the conversation"?

It's probably the one question men dread the most..."So, dear...where do you see us going?" It's very possibly the one question to see them run for the hills...but it's the one question as the older we get, the more we need answered. Or is the fact we need it answered, is our answer i.e. he's not for you?

Do you just know, when you know?! Want to know your thoughts xoxo

Should we obey the 3 Month Rule?

Should we obey the 3 Month Rule (holding out on having sex)? If we don't will he judge us?

What are the pros and cons? Have you tried it? How did the man of the moment react when you broke the news? Was it easy to stick to it and did he appreciate your efforts, do you think?

Or have you your own rules? If so, please share!

Or do you just throw caution to the wind? How has it worked out for you?

Would you recommend holding off on having sex, going on past experiences good or bad? Food for thought.... xoxo

Broken Heart? Is getting under one man the means to getting over another?

Is getting under one man the means to getting over another? I'm not convinced...one night stands seem to make everything a hundred times worse! However, finding a man to fantasise about and cuddle up to (theorethically not liternally) in your dreams, may help the mending process and take your mind off "the unmentionable" whilst you're finding yourself again. What's your experience? Any advice for the broken hearted amongst us?

Is Facebook detrimental to new relationships?!

Go on, admit it, you've checked out his profile with a fine toothcomb! You've looked at every photo and scrutinised the ones where he's wrapped around some babe. You've even looked at the profiles of all his female friends and wondered what the connection is...ex, bestie, or colleague...I can see the blushes from here! I mean, who could resist the temptation? So, does Facebook increase our vulnerability? Does it reduce our trust in our men? Want to hear your thoughts!

Where does Mr Right hangout?

Have you thought about where the best place is to hangout with the hope of meeting Mr Right? The local versus some trendy bar in town? At work or by joining some club e.g. tennis or sailing?

Is Friday a better night than Saturday to go out on the town? Is there a science to it all, do you think?!

Some weekends I can be found out on the tiles on both a Friday and a Saturday night...all in the name of market research of course!!! (",)...I often feel a Friday night is better...more men around and less competition for some strange reason...is it that my counterparts rather spend all day Saturday to doll themselves up with the hope of attracting the opposite sex? Want to hear your thoughts... Amber xoxo

Is there a mid thirties "settling" movement going on...?

I know a lot of men, some of whom I would consider very close friends and the others acquaintances. The latter group I would regularly hangout with for fun but wouldn't share my life stories with and certainly wouldn't date!  Why? I hear you ask...Hmmm...how do I put this eloquently?  Aw...they would get up on a cracked plate!  Oh and discuss it in detail, even with me, despite my protests!!!

Ironically this bunch have found themselves in relationships...with the nicest of girls, all in their mid thirties...all independent, attractive and intelligent women.  My gal pals and I who know these boys inside out are standing there wondering what's the story? Are we missing something? These guys are not boyfriend material...so the question is...is there a movement out there, that girls find themselves in their mid-thirties and are settling for the sake of having a boyfriend? No matter what he's like?  Have we lost standards or are things that desperate...?

Sharing a bed with the opposite sex, platonically - a no, no?

Another interesting debate that took place the other evening was would you trust your guy sharing a bed with a platonic female friend?

I have done it on a couple of occasions I regularly offer my mbf a bed on a Saturday night but he always cheekily says he wouldn't trust himself, I promise I'd slap him so hard he wouldn't attempt it a second time. I have a good male friend who lives in Germany he regularly visits on the last occasion he stayed his gf who is 8 yrs his junior was screaming down the phone demanding to know the sleeping arrangements!

Is it maturity? Is it trust in a relationship? Or should it be an out and out no, no...as to quote one of the gals 'human nature is guaranteed to step in'!

Let me hear your thoughts...

Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com