Internet Dating Disaster #1

Let’s call this guy Paul! Paul caught my attention in a very novel way by writing a poem. We exchanged great emails, and I have to admit I looked forward to opening my inbox.

In my view there are many disadvantages to Internet dating, one being all the excitement built up prior to meeting…generated from the initial contact, the excitement for each communication that you end up going to bed at night wondering could this be Mr Right! Expectations built up and when he doesn’t turn up on your first date in a full suit of armour, riding his noble steed, the disappointment is unbearable.

Sorry, I’m digressing. Paul’s emails were entertaining; he claimed mine were a breath of fresh air! He told me about a girl he had met online; she had made an innocent comment about grammar to him, which I gather was blown out of proportion. She was to become known as “grammar girl”! He had given me the impression she was in the past. That’s another disadvantage of Internet dating…you might be flirting online with just him; whilst he’s juggling a few girls at a time.

There was only one friend Emma that I confided in about these Internet dates. I didn’t want too many people to know. A few years ago, Internet dating was somewhat frowned upon but it was paramount that someone knew where I was and whom I was meeting for safety’s sake. Emma too had dipped her toe in a bit of Internet and speed dating and we regularly compared notes.

First date was arranged with Paul for Sunday evening. Emma happened to call on the Saturday and I confided in her about my date. All excited I spilled my guts about my new knight in shining armour, the poem he had written and how I had envisaged him. As I was rambling away, I could hear little giggles down the phone…when I asked what Emma was laughing at she informed me that she too had encountered Paul, he had also written her a poem and she had a date lined up with him for the following week. My little heart sank I was devastated!

We were both shocked about how small a world it was (if you continue reading these posts you’ll discover the world gets smaller). As she was chatting about her experiences with him, I suddenly realised that she was “Grammar Girl”! We made a pack that we wouldn’t tell him of the coincidence.

I went ahead with the date but my heart was no longer in it, I felt “my” Paul had evaporated into thin air.

I walked into the designated venue; there he stood inside the door with a bouquet of red roses and a gift bag! I was in awe; no one had given me red roses in a decade. Within the gift bag were three pairs of shoes and a tiara, the play type you give to a 5-year old for dress up. I’m a shoeaholic, I had mentioned that in passing in some email. It was so cute; I was really flattered.

As the date proceeded, I picked up a strong feminine vibe from Paul, his mannerisms etc., strangely enough it was like he started reading my mind by telling me his female colleagues often made gay remarks to him and he spent the night winging about them.

Not attractive in a woman, less attractive in a man. The date started to become tedious; a respectable hour to say goodnight couldn’t come around quick enough. He was enjoying himself, desperately trying to get me to stay for “one more 7up”, but thankfully being a school night I had a great excuse. He walked me to my car and I said goodnight. I don’t even remember kissing him on the cheek.

I told Emma I would reserve all comments until after she met him. It was only fair but I had said he wasn’t for me.

Emma arranged to meet Paul at a coffee shop in town; she was on time, she walked around the shop a few times but couldn’t see him. She stood outside for 20 minutes and rang me to say he was a no show. She gave it one last try and sure enough there he was sitting in the corner all the time looking at her. Needless to say that went down like a lead balloon. Paul and Emma didn’t have a second date.

I didn’t hear from Paul for months until I got a text late one evening asking ‘where was I?’ I mentioned, I was out with the girls, and he replied say ‘he was at home in bed and I was to come over…’ leaving very little to the imagination!! Needless to say he didn’t get a reply!



Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

Internet Dating...

Have you tried it? Would you recommend it? As mentioned in a previous post I have, and I came to the conclusion there is a very small pool of men in their mid thirties, living in Dublin looking for...Mmmm...saying "love" would be debateable! I could write a book on my experiences...maybe I'll publish one a day for the next few days to keep you amused!

If you have tried it, would you recommend a particular site to readers? I have tried a few but never again. I have given internet dating up as a bad job!

Regarding sites, a couple I figured all the men were on a mission for one thing, and one thing only...and love wasn't it! I gave a few sites a go, as friends kept telling me of people they knew who had good experiences and found love. Afterall that was my ultimate goal.

The last site I tried, was a refreshing experience. It was a little more expensive and it matched people up doing psychmetric testing. As it was a little more expensive I think anyone on it, was on it to genuinely find love. And yes I met lovely guys, who became best of friends but no spark. Testing for spark and attraction is not possible.

As for the other sites, I'll let you decide after you read my experiences...

Is there a reason for enduring a broken heart?!

So, you thought you met the one, but unfortunately he is now the one of many! Your hopes and dreams of walking up the aisle with him, or having his children are dashed! You thought he was your soul mate, and maybe he was (see my previous note on Soul Mates).
It hurts like hell, and your heart aches and you can't see any light at the end of the tunnel...all sound too familiar?
For those over a broken heart will agree hindsight is a wonderful thing. For those currently experiencing one, down the line, maybe a week, a month or even a year you will, and you'll wonder what all tears were for. Did he deserve the head space he rented out in your head? I can guess the answer to that one!
But have you thought that there's a reason for a broken heart?
In every relationship we learn something new about ourselves and we share experiences that we may not have ever encountered without that person in our lives. We grow as a person too. Think of yourself as an acorn, your shell has to crack for the seed to be implanted, for the Oak tree (aka you) to grow. Now think of your heart as the shell. With each broken heart we grow into the next stage of our life.
Now consider the fact your past relationships had a purpose in your life stage development, as did the broken hearts endured. Your ex's purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of your comfort zone, which only in hindsight you will realise was holding you back. He tears apart your ego a little bit, shows you your obstacles, breaks your heart open so new light can get in. Make you hit rock bottom and only then do you realise you need to transform your life!!

Have you had a stalker?

I was listening to Today FM this morning; Anton Savage is standing in for Ray D'Arcy this week. I missed the first part of the feature but very quickly picked up the gist of the conversation... a girl met a guy. How? Unfortunately I missed that, they exchanged numbers and he was now sending her something crazy, like 60 text messages a day. She was asking the show for advice on how to "get rid" of him.

Numerous other listeners started texting or calling the show to tell of their experiences. Either the same guy is texting half the women of Dublin or there are quite a few of these men out there. It reminded me of an experience one I had. I 'met' a guy internet dating, we started emailing for a while and he came across as pretty sane, so I gave him my mobile number, the first text was received the afternoon I gave him my number. I was driving home from work and the phone was sitting on the passenger seat...within a space of 7 minutes my phone beeped three times. All text messages were from him. The first one was an icebreaker, something funny...two minutes later he text again apologising for the first text and the next text was basically saying that he hoped I wasn't too annoyed with him.

My initial reaction was, "he's pathetic", then I thought, oh maybe he's nervous. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and I text back apologising for the delay in replying - all of 10 minutes - as I was driving.

Through email correspondence I had determined we had a lot in common; we worked in the same industry, both from the Country and living in the Big Smoke. I was trying to give him a chance and not be too hasty. To make a long story short, he turned into the male equivalent of a
bunny boiler! All this happened within days, so much so, we never actually met, I refused to go on a date with him. He was very clingy, ringing and texting non-stop. He'd ring, start an argument get frustrated as I'm not the argumentative type, he kept saying 'oh, you're annoyed with me' when I wasn't; he'd hang up on me and then spend the rest of the night, texting or email or IM-ing to try make-up!

I did the very "mature" thing and ignored his messages and calls. I know I should have been woman enough to be upfront. He eventually got the hint; it took the guts of a week or two though. He even tried to call me about 3 months later. But I am wise enough to keep numbers in my phone so I know when not to answer a call!

What is it that turns men needy and clingy like this? Insecurity? Is it a common thing?

Is our soul mate what we should be looking for?

We all at some point have said we are hoping to find our soul mate. A person we perceive to be our perfect fit. And isn’t that what everyone wants? But is that what a soul mate really is?
I recently read that a soul mate is not our ideal partner, one to share our future with but in fact a person who is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A person who will appear in our lives when we need them most; basically someone to give us a kick up the backside when we need it! A true soul mate is probably the most important person you will ever encounter in your life! And that in fact, it would be too painful to have your soul mate in your life 24/7, highlighting all your flaws, peeling layers off you, albeit for the better, but only so much of that you can handle all at once!
I believe I have met my soul mate...he turns up when I need direction and guidance most; he sets me on the right path and then disappears! When he does, it takes months to get him out of my system. I tried dating him and that was Trouble with a capital T! I could write a whole blog on him alone!!! I'll save more stories on him for a later date!
In the meantime, I want to hear if you've met your soul mate and if you agree with the above or you’ve found your soul mate in the love of your life! Xoxo

Should we cherish being single whilst we are?

Have you ever thought of the advantages of being single?

Here's a few:
* Sleep in the middle of the bed if you wish...
* Be spontaneous...do what you want, when you want and be answerable to no one!
* Control the remote...you don't have to endure football!!!
* Wear your Bridget Jones big panties when you want (",)
* Wear what you like in bed...even those grey undies!
* Not having to shave your legs every other day!
* Oh and one that regularly crosses my mind, whilst hungover on a Sunday afternoon strolling around Dundrum...no screaming kids!

But do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

Someone once told me that the view looking into a glass house was very different to the view looking out!!
Food for thought!! xoxo

Should age be just a number?

Should age manner in love? I dated a guy on and off for over two years, when I met him I had determined there was a 4 year age gap, to me it was just perfect! However, two years after meeting I was to discover the age gap was more like 9 years! To say I was in a state of shock was an underestimation. Although annoyed at the deceit I was amazed that I hadn't noticed the difference in our age sooner. That had perplexed me more; I had the misconception that an age gap that great would be more obvious. Then I wondered if age matter? Should it just be a number?
Why is it tradition that the man in the relationship should be older? Last night I bumped into an old flame, we got chatting and he asked me again for my number. He mentioned his age in passing and I nearly passed away! Note I did date this guy a few years ago, and albeit I was aware he was a little younger; I hadn't realised there was an 8 year age gap! He neither looks his age nor acts it. Whilst he was being quizzed by an overbearing male friend of mine, the age question came up, he told my friend to guess his age...an estimate was made of 5 years over...he replied ‘I was born after my time’. So, I thought if maturity levels are the same, should age matter? Does age it matter? Should it not be just a number?