Dating American Style

What do we think of dating American style? Dating numerous men at once! I have a friend who has recently come out of a long-term relationship and is now dating American style. She is currently juggling 4 men, having great fun whilst doing it but finding it exhausting keeping tabs on the conversations she has had with each of them. She isn't getting tripped up as they are located in different parks of the country, plus I should highlight when you 'American Date' it's no further than 'first base'! Could I do it? Jeez it's hard enough to find one decent guy in his mid thirties in Dublin to date let alone two. Whilst Internet dating however, I did have the pleasure and girls it's a whole new experience, it's liberating, as you're in control, and if you don't get a call back from date one, you always have a few more up your sleeve! I would recommend each of you to try it at least once, the american dating, you all know my views on internet dating.
Take note of the feeling, the old feeling of uncertainty when dating doesn't exist, and your the one with the power, for once you don't feel it always has to be a man's world! If you have tried it, want to hear your experiences...

Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

Sharing a bed with a platonic male friend - a no, no?!

Another interesting debate that took place the other evening was, 'would you trust your guy sharing a bed with a platonic female friend'?

I have done it on a couple of occasions I regularly offer my mbf a bed on a Saturday night but he always cheekily says he wouldn't trust himself, I promise I'd slap him so hard he wouldn't attempt it a second time. I have a good male friend who lives in Germany he regularly visits on the last occasion he stayed his gf who is 8 yrs his junior was screaming down the phone demanding to know the sleeping arrangements!

Is it maturity? Is it trust in a relationship? Or should it be an out and out no, no...as to quote one of the gals 'human nature is guaranteed to step in'!

Let me hear your thoughts...

Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

Who is stronger in a relationship?

In a conversation over a Pinot the other night the gals and I debated who was stronger in a relationship, that is, who wears the trousers? The conversation developed from, how we singletons lose friends to their other halves...the girls tend to socialise with their bfs and
other couples, whilst male friends seem to vanish into thin air! Their new gfs seem to lack self-confidence and find a very platonic friendship, which may be decades old, threatening! If I hadn't chosen to jump him in the last ten years, why would I now that he's happily attached? What makes women feel so threatened? I'd love to see 'me' thru their eyes; do they see some little sex kitten purring over their man? I promise reality couldn't be further from that image. An
example: a good friend's gf was taking a few months off travelling; the trip was planned prior to their meeting. I told her I'd ‘keep an eye out for him’, make sure he wasn't dying of loneliness ...her retort was 'over my dead body'! They are now married and he has cut all contact... I find it saddening to lose a friendship due to unfounded jealousy of a partner. We all know who wears the trousers in that relationship.

One of my friends mentioned every time she catches up with her childhood mbf he brings his gf along with him. That would frustrate the hell out of me, my mbfs are my confidants; they know my every secret and I trust them wholeheartedly for those secrets to remain so, not being able to share a heart to heart with them in person with a gf present... Well to be honest the heart to hearts would never happen. I have two mbfs who share their email account with their wives! You could imagine my horror when emailing my childhood friend who lived in Australia, on what I believed was a personal email address about personal family stuff and his wife replying.

I firmly believe there should be no secrets in a relationship but is this, a step too far?


Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

Are the insecurities of some ruining it for the rest of us?

For years I have felt men's expectations on the first encounter are far too high. It's rare on a night out to meet a guy for the first time who doesn't suggest taking you home. There's no getting to know you first, no wining and dining, they just want to get straight down to business. I have asked myself a thousand times, what is giving them the confidence or the god given right to think they can expect 'it' on the first night?!

Last night I got chatting to a beautiful young girl who was waiting on her date, whilst he was looking for his jacket.

In a conversation that could have lasted no more than 5 minutes she apologised for her distracted attention, as she 'kept' a firm eye on the man that she had just met. She told me she didn't trust the other women, hanging around in the bar. She considered them vultures and they would attempt anything to get their claws into her man! His coat hadn't turned up; she offered to drive him in the following morning, to pick it up; confirming she was taking him home. A man she feared no more than two minutes previous would walk away with any woman.

What makes a beautiful, intelligent young woman with an amazing figure and beautifully turned out want to take a guy home like that when in my view, she could have any guy, who would treat her right! Why does she need to take him home in an attempt to keep him?

Are 'easy' women ruining it for the rest of us? Giving a girl who seems to have it all, feel she has to pull out all the stops to reel a man in? Are they giving men high expectations, which in turn are used as a bargaining tool with us, who won’t ‘put out’ on the first night?

Food for thought…

Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

A man's point of view #3... This made me blush!!!

There’s something that’s been confusing me for a long number of years. It’s goatee beards. This ‘half a beard’ fashion has been around for about 10 years, maybe longer and as a guy I just cannot understand what makes a guy grow one.

So, ladies, why is it so prevalent? Guys must feel it makes them more attractive or they wouldn’t wear one. It’s not like it’s going to keep him warm through the winter, not like a full-grown bushy beard would.

Is it attractive? I’m a straight guy and I feel I have a good idea of what you females look for but I just can’t see why this has remained so popular in men’s grooming.

This has been on my mind for years and the only reason I can think of for the goatee is a practical one.

In the bedroom…

You know, he’s operating down below.

Get my drift?

Is that the secret to why it’s still with us??

Ladies, you tell me…


Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

Love’s young dream…

I witnessed something lovely last weekend, the development of a new romance before my eyes…the old fashioned way!

Two mutual friends have been recently introduced and cupid struck at first sight…now ‘nothing’ has happened yet, well to my knowledge anyways; they are in the ‘getting to know each other stage’, afraid to rush anything in case the bubble bursts. But the flirting, and swooning looks like they are almost participating in a love dance; it is fascinating to watch. There is a glazed look over both of their faces, you just know they’re in love! They just smile if you mention the other’s name. You can almost see the birds flying around their heads!! Not to sound ‘twee’, but it gives you a warm fuzzy feeling just witnessing it.

It’s so long since I’ve witnessed this; in fact I can’t remember if I have before but it’s just like a little miracle developing in front of my eyes.

It made me think, when it happens for me, it will happen; all the speed dating and Internet dating in the world isn’t going to make it happen any faster.

But when it does…I hope it will be as romantic for me, as it is for my friends!!


Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

Breaking up, it's hard to do!

Why does it hurt so much when breaking up with someone, when you’re doing the breaking? Even though you know it's not right; you know it doesn't have a future and/or you know you deserve better.

Is it the apprehension of being alone? The feeling of not being part of ‘something’, you’re left feeling like you don’t belong? But isn't it better than the alternative? Being unhappy alone, than unhappy in the wrong relationship? At least, the former is temporary!

You may say misery enjoys company; but have you thought about the soul-destroying effects of being trapped in the wrong relationship? The loss of self-confidence for starters and its side effects; the loss of identity, when you feel you’ve disappeared into the background. The feeling of being taken for granted.

Breaking up, even when it’s hard to do, is the bravest thing in the world to do, cut the ties, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, get to know YOU again, LIKE yourself and get out there to have fun! The pain won’t go away overnight, but when it does, you’ll wonder why you wasted so much time in the wrong relationship! Look at your friends, I bet you’ve neglected your ‘single’ friends whilst attached, pick up the phone, we’ll welcome you back into the fold wholeheartedly.

Being single can be fun; it isn’t an infliction no matter how ‘they’ sometimes make us feel! I’d rather be enjoying life, happy in my single life, than miserable and attached.

I’m sure hundreds of us have horror stories to share, but when we look back we’re better people for walking away!

Want to hear your thoughts!

Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

Can we bring yesterday back around?

I was sitting in the car, stuck in bumper-to-bumper rush hour traffic; a song came on the radio; the Saw Doctors, ‘Can we bring yesterday back around…’ - Sugar Babes also have a version of it! I tuned into the lyrics and then got lost in my own thoughts; the lyrics ‘Can we bring yesterday back around…'Cause I know how I feel about you now…’ started to haunt me!

Old memories of lost opportunities started to come flooding back. There is one guy in particular, Keenan, I could dedicate a whole book to him, let alone a blog!

We met in London, both Irish, introduced through a mutual friend at a regular Friday night gathering outside O’Neill’s in Covent Garden. First impression, I strangely thought he was arrogant...I can’t remember now, how the transition took place from thinking he was arrogant to becoming very good friends. I grew very fond of Keenan very quickly; we’d make a ‘b-line’ for each other when our pals met up, on a Friday, for after work drinks. We would end up sitting in a corner and talking all night, just the two of us. We worked quite close to each other in the City and would regularly meet up during the week for lunch. I wasn’t long from a bad break-up and another relationship was far from what I wanted. Keenan was just a friend, and I wasn’t in a place to even contemplate anything further; it never even occurred to me that he might want more.

As the weeks and months went on, our friendship grew stronger. As our group of Irish pals grew, we’d meet up at the Porterhouse, Covent Garden to watch rugby or GAA games at the weekends. The girls started commenting on the friendship Keenan and I shared. How he may have feelings for me; all of which were brushed off. Until I began to listen, I couldn’t hear or see what they were saying, but as soon as I was awake to it, I realised I had been brushing off Keenan’s advances for months, unknowns to myself. A year out of a bad relationship, I didn’t want to jump into another, but Keenan was different, we had an amazing connection, except now I feared I had rejected him one too many times.

During that time, I learned a lot about myself, about how much damage my previous relationship had done. How the once confident girl no longer existed. To this day, I have surrounded myself with good friends, but none equal Keenan.

Keenan had introduced an Irish colleague of his, Neal into the group. I made that extra effort with Neal, as he was Keenan’s friend. Neal and I hit it off straight away in a brother/sister way, we swapped numbers the second time we met and after that, were inseparable. Neal was just one of the girls! I invited Neal to everything, but didn’t have the courage to invite Keenan, as I feared rejection. Since, I now knew there was ‘something’ between us, the sexual tension just seemed to get in the way of our friendship, I was no longer the relaxed happy-go-lucky girl he grew to love. At the time, I hadn’t realised my close (very platonic) friendship with Neal, was destroying the connection I had with Keenan.

One Friday night, having got caught in the office I turned up late to drinks at ‘Waxy’s Little Sister’. Keenan was well on his way to merridom! As the bar closed up, and we were moving to Chinatown for a regular late night dinner, Keenan and I were the last to leave the bar, he helped me with my coat and said: ‘why won’t you kiss me?’…It came out of nowhere…I couldn’t believe my ears…I said: ‘what did you say?’ in a shocked manner. He replied: ‘nothing!’ I hadn’t the courage to say, ‘I heard you’, or kiss him; I was in state of shock.

Here was my Mr Perfect, my best friend, standing in front of me, asking me to love him…and I froze, not because I didn’t want to love him back but I wasn’t able to respond, I was completely dumbstruck!

Keenan decided not to come to dinner, he walked me across the street to the restaurant door and gave me one of his huge teddy bear hugs, and he always gave the best. I asked him that night, if he ‘would bottle one for me, so I could have it on tap, when I needed it most’; he said, ‘they’re only best, when served fresh’. I wanted to raise the question again but Cix our mutual friend, was standing at the door trying to hurry us up, she wasn’t taking the hint to ‘get lost’, so to speak. I couldn’t get the words out to say ‘stay’ or ‘kiss me’…

Keenan and I never shared a kiss whilst I lived in London. I left London a year later; I needed to come home to find myself, so to speak, I asked work for a transfer back to Dublin.

The day I flew out; I posted Keenan a card from Heathrow Airport, the ‘greeting’ on the card stated ‘You’re my one in a million…’ he remains that to this day.

I will always have the regret but the Keenan story doesn’t end there…



Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

A man's point of view # 2

I’ve only had the pleasure of being in love once in my life and one of the strongest aspects of that relationship was that not only were we boyfriend-girlfriend but that we became best friends as well.
 
I’m not a strong believer in the concept of soul-mates, ie there being one person perfect for you on the planet. (If that’s the case it’s a bit depressing. What are the odds of you meeting that person? The world is a large place!) But I do believe that the concept of being great friends who happen to be in a relationship is vital if it is to last. This might sound like an obvious statement to most people but you’d be surprised how many relationships wouldn’t survive if it weren’t for the sexual aspect of it. They just can’t be platonic friends, the friendship just can’t survive without the sex.  Once the relationship is over they just walk away and rarely see each other again, if ever. I’ve been in those kind of relationships too, they all lasted 2 months at most. Yeah, they can be great fun and the sex is great but they rarely leave anything lasting to remember them by.
 
There’s an old idea – You should choose a partner whose company you enjoy at least as much as you fancy them because as the years go on and you both grow old the physical attraction will wane but hopefully the friendship will not.
 
One negative in all this is if the relationship breaks up, the loss feels greater as you lose a friend as well as a lover. But the rewards when it clicks, in my view, are worth it.
 
So, reader – What do you think? Any experiences of your own to share?
 
 
Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

Ever consider dipping the toe into company ink?

Dipping the toe into the company ink? Dirtying on your own doorstep? Whatever analogy you would like to use; dating at work, would you consider it? Have you done it? How did it happen, were there stolen glances across the photocopier? Intense moments shared in the lift? Any regrets or horror stories to share?

I worked in a company where, if two colleagues had the same surname, 8 out of 10 times it was more than just a co-incidence; they were married and had met at work. It was socially acceptable to seriously date in a highly professional environment.

After all why shouldn’t we? We spend more than a third of our day, five days a week at work, which increases the chance of crossing paths with Mr Right.

Yes, I hear you say, but what if it all goes wrong? If we spent the entire time second-guessing the outcome, we wouldn’t be actually living life!

Me on the other hand…well when it comes to men’s interest, they’d have to sky write it before I’d notice and even at that, the chances of me looking up, are slim and nil!

For example, in my previous job, I travelled a lot across Continental Europe with a male colleague who worked in one of our European offices. He was very attractive and we always enjoyed the banter. However, I was far too young and naive to spot the signs – not saying maturity has improved that skill – but subtly wasn’t this man’s strongest point!

When travelling he always took responsibility for the hotel bookings, he always booked small intimate family run hotels where no one ever spoke English and I was reliant on him to translate. Every evening we would end up in the bar alone at night, he always seemed to find a stray eyelash on my face that he felt the need to blow off whilst getting me to test some lethal concoction of alcohol he discovered. Our rooms were always side-by-side and he regularly arrived at my room in nothing but his boxers, 30 minutes after saying goodnight, to ask a question or ask me to ‘squeeze toothpaste on his toothbrush’, literally, no kidding!

In my maturity if that’s not a come-on, what is? In my incidence, I duly obliged…with the toothpaste, that is.

I use to amuse my friends for hours with these stories; yes they found my naivety amusing.

What stopped me? God only knows!