First date ideas, anyone?

Yesterday on the Ray D’Arcy Show on Today FM, a listener rung in, looking for advice for a first date. It got me thinking, I’m useless when I am put on the spot to suggest first date options, and I cop out by leaving it up to the guy to ‘surprise me’.

I never know what to do but I do know what not to do, and believe it or not, it’s go see a movie! It inhibits conversation; a first date is like a test drive, if you don’t like the feel of the car, you may not want to take it for another spin! Eliminating the opportunity to talk, and get to know one another a little better, is detrimental to the possibility of a second date.

So, I’ve put my thinking cap on, forearmed for my next ‘first date’ let’s say.

1. Ice skating – not for the faint hearted!
2. Bowling
3. Bike riding – avail of the new bikes available to the public all over Dublin
4. Visit a tourist spot neither of you have been to before e.g. if in Dublin - Guinness, Jameson, Book of Kells; if in Paris – Eiffel Tour or New York take a way across the Brooklyn Bridge for ice-cream on the other side!
5. Visit the Zoo
6. Window Shopping but only if he’s metro- sexual; it would be a guy’s worst nightmare otherwise
7. Crazy Golf/Pitch and Putt
8. Visit an Art or Photography Gallery
9. A trip to the Circus
10. Visit an amusement park; when were you last on the bumpers?!
11. Go for a picnic – say, in the Phoenix Park
12. Have lunch at one of those restaurants where they make the food in front of you e.g. the Mongolian BBQ

Whatever you decide for your first date, be open to new adventures but only agree to do something or go somewhere you’re comfortable with. As mentioned in a previous posting prepare your 5 questions, applicable to every situation, to eliminate any awkward silences.

If you have any alternative first date suggestions please add them in the comment box below.

Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

A man's point of view...

As the readership of this new born blog, is steadily increasing in readership, both in numbers and by geographic location; I have asked one of my MBFs (male best friends) to share with you a man's point of view on dating and relationships; offering us single gals advice and basically help us to figure out how men think!

Basically, I'm sharing my MBF with you; he has very kindly agreed to submit a posting a week, with insightful thoughts and advice.

You are very welcome to submit questions or queries for him to answer by emailing… powderroomtales@gmail.com Anonymity guaranteed!

A man's point of view... #1

A funny story from a few years back: A guy had recently started going out with a girl, he was out with the lads in the club and was all in their faces about their reticence to approach any of the lovely ladies in the club to chat them up. He relayed how he had chatted up his new girl and ‘swept her off her feet’ and ‘You can do it too’ etc. On hearing this the girlfriend, who happened to be within earshot gave him a clip ‘round the ear and cut him down to size: ‘What do you mean?! I was the one who asked you out!’

Why don’t more women take the initiative? You’ve made huge strides for equality in so many spheres yet a lot of women that I’ve spoken to just won’t make that first move!

So you spot a nice guy across the room and flutter your eyelashes at him, flick your hair in his direction and generally leave him in no doubt as to your interest in him. You wait for him to approach. What happens when he doesn’t make any move? Take it personally that he’s not interested in you, and move on to the next good-looking guy?

There could be any amount of reasons why he won’t come over. He could be attached, he’s shortsighted, he’s intimidated by the gang of girlfriends around you or maybe he’s just shy to make the first move.

Seriously, girls should not be afraid to take control on this score. Most reasonable guys will be pleasantly surprised when it happens, they’ll be flattered even. I know I was. Only the odd guy will feel emasculated when you break the normal convention and start to chat him up. And, let’s face it, if he does take offence you don’t want to be with him anyway.

How many guys have you made eyes at, putting the ball firmly in his court which he failed to return, then you went home alone that night wondering why? At least if you make the move you won’t be left wondering about what might have been.

Single because you're shy?

For at least the last two years I've spotted this cutie around, he'd turn up in the strangest of places, completely out of context; it would leave me wondering where I knew him from. I would regularly mention him to my Mum and Sister, I nicknamed him ‘Ted’, short for teddy bear, he was just so cute and approachable looking!

The night he eventually made his move, I was holding two drinks, he asked me who the second one belonged to, he was dust before I got to answer. I had to wait another year for him to talk to me again. I thought he was gorgeous, he was my ‘Mr Perfect’ in every way physically.
I am rarely short of a thing or two to say but there has been an occasion or two, when completely in awe of a man, I can turn into a blabbering eejit. I used all my power to make conversation with Ted; I used a simple technique a Journalist friend of mine thought me some time ago. If you're shy, take note.

Prepare 5 questions, applicable to every situation. For example, ‘Any plans for Christmas?’, or ‘What did you do for holidays (vacation) this summer?’ avoid questions about work, some men interpret that as gold-digging! I used up every one of my 5 questions but Ted had nothing to say for himself. I was so disappointed; it was like getting blood out of a stone. Everything else is superficial, if the man can’t hold a conversation!
I relayed the story the next morning to my sister, her response was ‘don’t ever meet your hero!’...

I bumped into Ted last weekend, we got chatting, he confided that his heart had been badly broken...he was now very shy around girls he liked.
Shows men can be vulnerable too!

Don’t forget to prepare your 5 questions, they can be used in every situation, test them out on people...so when you see that cutie across the room, you won’t be stuck for words when he approaches you! xoxo

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Men are like buses...

How is it that men are like buses; when you have one, three come together! Is it just Murphy's Law? Or do we give off a different air of confidence when we're attached, that makes us more attractive to men?

If we look at the flipside, I wonder what impression must we be giving when we're single, an air of desperation? Is it something men sense? Is there 'an attached pheromone' that men pick up on but find it more attractive than the 'unattached pheromone'?

Can anyone shed light it? In some point in our lives it has happened to us all. Is it the challenge aspect? Do men love a challenge?

Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

How to lose a guy in 10 ways...

We've all seen the movie and thought it was hilarious but have you ever applied it to a relationship that went wrong? Contemplated how or why it went wrong? Maybe any of these 10 points may be applicable:

1. Being too needy, ringing him 100 times a day
2. Alternatively, ignoring his calls and texts
3. Saying 'I love you', too soon
4. Nit picking...being too critical
5. Being unladylike, embarrassing him in public...burping, farting or very drunk
6. Flirting with other men
7. Sleeping with him too soon
8. Start talking about marriage and babies on the second date
9. Take advantage of his good nature, never buy drinks or dinner
10. Being clingy, cutting off your friends and expecting his attention 24/7

Want to add to the list? Comment below!

Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

Intentions rather than Expectations?

As I was writing the blogs on Internet dating I was reminded of all the disappointment I experienced in the past due to built up expectations. Basically I was trying to dream Mr. Right into life; if only it worked like that. My friend Tina claims her mum is knitting her a man!!

Are we building ourselves up for a fall by having expectations? When we have expectations, we create a picture in our mind of what we want. That picture is usually very detailed and specific. Once created, it remains as a template against which we measure anything that appears.

We probably all have built a "template" of Mr. Right in our heads...and no man to date, has matched up.

Should we change our 'expectations' to 'intentions'?

Intentions arise out of a desire that involves some sort of action e.g. you go out, on a Friday night, you intend to have fun. There is willingness to take action to create appropriate response to what we desire.

So rather than expecting to meet Mr Right, go out and intend to meet a nice guy who is a good person.

Advantages? You eliminate the element of disappointment and all that brings with it!

Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

Text Generation

Are we living in a Text (SMS) Generation? Where it's no longer necessary for someone to be polite and respective enough to meet someone face-to-face to break up? Or ring to cancel a date? A text message is sufficient?

I was party to a conversation recently, one of the girls in the group mentioned she was cancelled a date the previous night by text. I asked, if that was socially acceptable? She claimed it was for her generation (she's 24), when I asked how old her date was, she advised 42; I gave her food for thought that maybe he didn't quite think it was acceptable.

Generation Y have been born into a digital age, never knowing life without mobile phones and the internet but our era Generation X (born between late '60s and late '70s) knew the meaning of politeness and timekeeping. Arrangements for Clery's clock at six, had to be kept, there was no means of contacting to say you were not coming or running late.

Has manners gone out the window? Or is texting an easy cop out? Is Generation X picking up bad habits from our younger counterparts Generation Y?

Food for thought!


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Internet Dating Disaster #3

Then there was Dane, also from Continental Europe. I thought if I’m going to dip my toe into the Internet Dating pool again, I am going to get it right this time. So, lots of emails and instant messages exchanged prior to meeting.

Dane had received a number of photos from me, and I had at least two from him. My first thought was that he had a nice friendly face. As I got to know him, he confided that he was conscious about his weight, now I like a man with a bit to hold on to! His tummy was of particular concern; he figured he looked about 5-months pregnant! Who am I to judge? I’m no supermodel!!

We had to rearranged our first date a few times...each time I felt strangely glad it was cancelled and wondered was my heart actually in this. The fact my friend Emma felt a colleague of hers dated Dane too hadn’t helped...the reports weren’t good. Emma’s ex-colleague was off travelling and not available for clarification, the few details Emma could remember were eventually to be proved correct.

We eventually arranged for Sunday brunch; the brat, that morning text to suggest a restaurant right on his door step! A place I was very familiar with, as an old flame lived in the complex; not for love or money was I risking a first date there!! Also on principle if a man is keen to meet you he should make an effort and at least come half way, and that’s exactly what I made him do! I suggested a rendez vous at a traditional Dublin meeting spot, the ‘tart with the cart’ - the Molly Malone statue - at the bottom of Grafton Street...as I crossed the street from Trinity College I spotted him in the distance...my first thought was ‘a 5-month pregnancy tummy?!’...more like 10-months with twins! Harsh I know, but you should have seen it!

In hindsight, I wished I had turned on my heels and walked away, which wouldn’t be my style and something I have never done. As I approached him, I greeted him with a very chirpy ‘Hello’; he looked at me as if I resembled dirt on his shoe. At this stage I really wished I had turned on my heels! He looked a state, was my next thought and when he eventually uttered something I realised he hadn’t a tooth in his head, literally! I winced with disgust. I won’t inflict you with the details of the most boring, painful date in history, with the tightest man in history; to make a long story short, I endured brunch, paid my share and made my excuses about needing to be somewhere. He walked me down Grafton Street and conversation was like pulling teeth, excuse the pun. I said my goodbyes at M&S, said it was lovely to meet him before I disappeared into the shop. I rung my friend Lisa and briefed her on the painful experience.

The next morning I was awoken by a text saying, ‘Good morning Gorgeous, hope you have a lovely day!’ I thought, is this man for real?! What part of the date did he think went well? I was onto Lisa before I even got to the office...she suggested an appropriate text message that gave him no doubts I wasn’t interested. It was nice but to the point. I wish I had it now, one or two of you out there may find it of use for the future!!

To say that will be my very last internet date is an understatement!!!


Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com

Internet Dating Disaster #2

Hmmm who should I tell you about next? How about the French Adonis? Not to sweep them all with the one brush but the French do have a reputation for being arrogant; and Francois (not his real name) didn’t let me down on that score!

I ignored his initial communications...they made him sound too portentous. I think they started over a weekend, he emailed asking about my weekend plans and that he himself was expecting guests for dinner; he was cooking some exotic meal and had a bottle of Louis Jadot 2003 Corton Grand Cru breathing in a decanter. He emailed again along a similar vein, which again I ignored; then he sent me a slightly desperate plea...saying he had communicated with me twice, I hadn’t responded, he liked me but this was the last time he was making an attempt.

Let’s say he intrigued me...I wanted to know what was it about my profile that made him so keen. Once I did reply, he sent me his mobile number and suggested meeting up. He didn’t believe in beating around the bush! I text and within 30 seconds he phoned to arrange a date for the next day! Boy this man was keen! But oh the voice...he rang me whilst I was on the bus going to work...I nearly passed away by the sultry tones and the realisation that half the bus was tuned into the conversation, something I wasn’t quite awake for!

Date was arranged for the next day, coffee in the afternoon. I thought it was safe, after all I didn’t know much about this guy. It was coming up to Christmas and Dublin City Centre had its more than usual madness. I suggested a super bar for a hot chocolate; thinking it would be quiet, but forgetting about the hum drum of the Christmas shoppers; the bar was very busy.

I stood inside the door; this was a complete blind date for me. He had my photo but I had no idea what he looked like, bar the few lines of a description he sent on a text. Lost in my own world whilst I waited, I hadn’t noticed the door open until this Adonis was standing right in front of me...I could barely string a sentence together to say hello. He was gorgeous, average height, broad but looked very toned. He was dark with sallow skin and the most gorgeous pouty kissable lips I had ever seen on a man! I had to pinch myself, to pull myself together; I didn’t want to turn into a blabbering eejit!

We found it difficult to get a seat; everyone was on top of each other, very little room for privacy especially for a first date. We eventually found a seat, ordered coffee, we chatted naturally and quickly discovered we worked in the same industry and had quite a bit in common. Twenty minutes into the conversation he mentioned he liked to cook and he would like to cook me dinner; I thought, ‘wow, this means a second date!’...when he made the statement the lips would pout, OMG I nearly fall off my seat! This man, just by pouting could do awful things to a girl, (“,) if you get my drift! Whilst I was recovering from ‘my episode’ I had lost him in conversation and I said with a smile, sorry I missed that ‘...then I would like to do sensual things to you....’ with a pout... EXCUSE ME?! (I am sure the next table heard that!) And he said it again, just in case I didn’t get it the first time, and I stupidly asked, what do you mean by “sensual things”...like as if I didn’t know...he replied “naughty things” and he pouted again. ‘I could cook you dinner this evening...’

I’m no prude, but 20 minutes after meeting someone?! Honestly? I mumbled that I wasn’t that type of girl, I needed to know someone first...he told me if you change your mind, you have my number! We parted...that was probably the start of the end for me on the whole internet dating scene.

About a year later I was out with two girlfriends in a late bar, and one had said to the other in front of me, that the dark cutie was checking her out! Of course, as girls do, we all looked in unison in his direction. Now, I’m far from conceited, especially when it comes to men, but once I took one look at the guy, I promptly replied ‘No, it’s me he’s checking out!’...he was over like a shot whispering sweet nothings into my ear and saying, ‘where do I know you from...?’ An old friend appeared out of nowhere and interrupted the conversation.

Francois obviously got his memory back when he proceeded to send me suggestive text messages the next day. He’s still awaiting a reply!


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