I’ve only had the pleasure of being in love once in my life and one of the strongest aspects of that relationship was that not only were we boyfriend-girlfriend but that we became best friends as well.
I’m not a strong believer in the concept of soul-mates, ie there being one person perfect for you on the planet. (If that’s the case it’s a bit depressing. What are the odds of you meeting that person? The world is a large place!) But I do believe that the concept of being great friends who happen to be in a relationship is vital if it is to last. This might sound like an obvious statement to most people but you’d be surprised how many relationships wouldn’t survive if it weren’t for the sexual aspect of it. They just can’t be platonic friends, the friendship just can’t survive without the sex. Once the relationship is over they just walk away and rarely see each other again, if ever. I’ve been in those kind of relationships too, they all lasted 2 months at most. Yeah, they can be great fun and the sex is great but they rarely leave anything lasting to remember them by.
There’s an old idea – You should choose a partner whose company you enjoy at least as much as you fancy them because as the years go on and you both grow old the physical attraction will wane but hopefully the friendship will not.
One negative in all this is if the relationship breaks up, the loss feels greater as you lose a friend as well as a lover. But the rewards when it clicks, in my view, are worth it.
So, reader – What do you think? Any experiences of your own to share?
Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com
What's the Powder Room?
- Powder Room Tales...by Amber Black
- These are the deep and meaningful conversations every girl has with her best gal pals...about the guy who just winked at her across the bar, or the last man who broke her heart. These are the conversations we all love being part of and sharing over brunch or a good bottle of pinot or in the powder room of your favourite Saturday night venue...our Powder Room is located at the top of a lofty stair in Kehoe's Bar, Dublin. These conversations are real...names have been changed to protect privacy and avoid shameful blushes (",) I hope you enjoy!!!
Friday, November 20, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Ever consider dipping the toe into company ink?
Dipping the toe into the company ink? Dirtying on your own doorstep? Whatever analogy you would like to use; dating at work, would you consider it? Have you done it? How did it happen, were there stolen glances across the photocopier? Intense moments shared in the lift? Any regrets or horror stories to share?
I worked in a company where, if two colleagues had the same surname, 8 out of 10 times it was more than just a co-incidence; they were married and had met at work. It was socially acceptable to seriously date in a highly professional environment.
After all why shouldn’t we? We spend more than a third of our day, five days a week at work, which increases the chance of crossing paths with Mr Right.
Yes, I hear you say, but what if it all goes wrong? If we spent the entire time second-guessing the outcome, we wouldn’t be actually living life!
Me on the other hand…well when it comes to men’s interest, they’d have to sky write it before I’d notice and even at that, the chances of me looking up, are slim and nil!
For example, in my previous job, I travelled a lot across Continental Europe with a male colleague who worked in one of our European offices. He was very attractive and we always enjoyed the banter. However, I was far too young and naive to spot the signs – not saying maturity has improved that skill – but subtly wasn’t this man’s strongest point!
When travelling he always took responsibility for the hotel bookings, he always booked small intimate family run hotels where no one ever spoke English and I was reliant on him to translate. Every evening we would end up in the bar alone at night, he always seemed to find a stray eyelash on my face that he felt the need to blow off whilst getting me to test some lethal concoction of alcohol he discovered. Our rooms were always side-by-side and he regularly arrived at my room in nothing but his boxers, 30 minutes after saying goodnight, to ask a question or ask me to ‘squeeze toothpaste on his toothbrush’, literally, no kidding!
In my maturity if that’s not a come-on, what is? In my incidence, I duly obliged…with the toothpaste, that is.
I use to amuse my friends for hours with these stories; yes they found my naivety amusing.
What stopped me? God only knows!
I worked in a company where, if two colleagues had the same surname, 8 out of 10 times it was more than just a co-incidence; they were married and had met at work. It was socially acceptable to seriously date in a highly professional environment.
After all why shouldn’t we? We spend more than a third of our day, five days a week at work, which increases the chance of crossing paths with Mr Right.
Yes, I hear you say, but what if it all goes wrong? If we spent the entire time second-guessing the outcome, we wouldn’t be actually living life!
Me on the other hand…well when it comes to men’s interest, they’d have to sky write it before I’d notice and even at that, the chances of me looking up, are slim and nil!
For example, in my previous job, I travelled a lot across Continental Europe with a male colleague who worked in one of our European offices. He was very attractive and we always enjoyed the banter. However, I was far too young and naive to spot the signs – not saying maturity has improved that skill – but subtly wasn’t this man’s strongest point!
When travelling he always took responsibility for the hotel bookings, he always booked small intimate family run hotels where no one ever spoke English and I was reliant on him to translate. Every evening we would end up in the bar alone at night, he always seemed to find a stray eyelash on my face that he felt the need to blow off whilst getting me to test some lethal concoction of alcohol he discovered. Our rooms were always side-by-side and he regularly arrived at my room in nothing but his boxers, 30 minutes after saying goodnight, to ask a question or ask me to ‘squeeze toothpaste on his toothbrush’, literally, no kidding!
In my maturity if that’s not a come-on, what is? In my incidence, I duly obliged…with the toothpaste, that is.
I use to amuse my friends for hours with these stories; yes they found my naivety amusing.
What stopped me? God only knows!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
An olde sock for every olde shoe...
I remember bumping into an old friend from school on the street one-day and one of the first questions they asked was, if I was married. They then proceeded to tell me ‘there is an olde sock for every olde shoe’; if singledom didn’t depress me, the thoughts of been referred to as ‘olde shoe’ certainly did! Yes, the positive sentiment within the phrase is lovely.
Another analogy I hate is ‘left on the shelf…’ in this day and age, shouldn’t it be ok to be single? Without feeling the pressure?
How many of us have experienced the family wedding and the dread of the olde grandaunt dishing 101 embarrassing questions…‘well, have ya no man yet?’ making you feel like you had a highly infectious disease, and you really want to say: ‘Granny, speak up, I don’t think the Chief in the kitchen quite heard that!’
As for the smug-couples; how easy they forget how it was like to be single; a ring on your finger seems to affect their long-term memory. My girlie friends who are long since married, remember single life as having the pick of men, like walking into a candy store! I remember being out for drinks with 8 couples and the girls started pointing to men as if they were inanimate objects, ‘what about that one?’; ‘ or that one?’
I’ve lived through experiences that would easily resemble scenes from a Bridget Jones’ movie. Feeling like I had two heads purely because I was single.
As for receiving wedding invitations, with just my name on it i.e. no guest/friend invited. Yeah, I really want to be a spare tool for the day and hangout with smug couples; ever heard the expression, two’s company, three’s a crowd! Ever consider putting yourself into our shoes?
No, this isn’t a note from a bitter person. My day will come, my knight in shining armour will appear on his noble steed and when he does I will never subject any of my single friends to the crap I’ve been subjected to in the past.
Aren’t we better off being happy single, than being miserable is possibly a bad relationship? Or worse settling, for stake of being part of a couple, instead of feeling a sense of belonging you feel discontent.
Shouldn’t we be allowed to enjoy being single whilst we are and soak up the benefits of it…whatever they may be? (“,)
Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com
Another analogy I hate is ‘left on the shelf…’ in this day and age, shouldn’t it be ok to be single? Without feeling the pressure?
How many of us have experienced the family wedding and the dread of the olde grandaunt dishing 101 embarrassing questions…‘well, have ya no man yet?’ making you feel like you had a highly infectious disease, and you really want to say: ‘Granny, speak up, I don’t think the Chief in the kitchen quite heard that!’
As for the smug-couples; how easy they forget how it was like to be single; a ring on your finger seems to affect their long-term memory. My girlie friends who are long since married, remember single life as having the pick of men, like walking into a candy store! I remember being out for drinks with 8 couples and the girls started pointing to men as if they were inanimate objects, ‘what about that one?’; ‘ or that one?’
I’ve lived through experiences that would easily resemble scenes from a Bridget Jones’ movie. Feeling like I had two heads purely because I was single.
As for receiving wedding invitations, with just my name on it i.e. no guest/friend invited. Yeah, I really want to be a spare tool for the day and hangout with smug couples; ever heard the expression, two’s company, three’s a crowd! Ever consider putting yourself into our shoes?
No, this isn’t a note from a bitter person. My day will come, my knight in shining armour will appear on his noble steed and when he does I will never subject any of my single friends to the crap I’ve been subjected to in the past.
Aren’t we better off being happy single, than being miserable is possibly a bad relationship? Or worse settling, for stake of being part of a couple, instead of feeling a sense of belonging you feel discontent.
Shouldn’t we be allowed to enjoy being single whilst we are and soak up the benefits of it…whatever they may be? (“,)
Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Sugar and spice and all things nice…
As we have gotten older have we lost our femininity and is reality dragging us down? I'm not referring to our ladylike mannerisms or sense of dress; but have we sacrificed our girl-like nature to suit men? All those ‘things’, sugar and spice and all things nice, that make us different to men. For example, I would never take a BF with me when shopping; shopping malls are full of bored men standing outside dressing rooms waiting to answer the dreaded question, for the 100th time; 'does my bum look big in this?' why would I subject him to it? I don’t need to ask, I’m well aware how big my bum is! Is this where I am going wrong?
I spoke to a colleague last night, also in his mid thirties, we were discussing relationships, he proceeded to tell me about the girl he's 'knocking about with', very eloquent don't you think? She's 14 years his junior, my gasp was: 'now, what do you two have in common?’ he proudly replied, without hesitation, 'Nothing!’ and then he said: 'she's a breath of fresh air'...’my world is mortgages, stress and worries caused by the recession; her world is sugar and spice, her biggest concern is what shoes she's going to wear; it's refreshing, it’s like medicine. I can switch off and I look forward to seeing her, it’s better than therapy!’
He’s not the first guy I have encountered, dating a significantly younger woman. I’ve a good friend in his early forties, who seems to avoid any woman over 30, and any woman who has not been born this side of South America.
Should there be a reverse in roles, should I be telling my gal pals about my hard day at the office, my concerns about the hikes in mortgage rates and ‘him’ about the new shade of lipstick I just bought? Food for thought! xoxo
Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com
I spoke to a colleague last night, also in his mid thirties, we were discussing relationships, he proceeded to tell me about the girl he's 'knocking about with', very eloquent don't you think? She's 14 years his junior, my gasp was: 'now, what do you two have in common?’ he proudly replied, without hesitation, 'Nothing!’ and then he said: 'she's a breath of fresh air'...’my world is mortgages, stress and worries caused by the recession; her world is sugar and spice, her biggest concern is what shoes she's going to wear; it's refreshing, it’s like medicine. I can switch off and I look forward to seeing her, it’s better than therapy!’
He’s not the first guy I have encountered, dating a significantly younger woman. I’ve a good friend in his early forties, who seems to avoid any woman over 30, and any woman who has not been born this side of South America.
Should there be a reverse in roles, should I be telling my gal pals about my hard day at the office, my concerns about the hikes in mortgage rates and ‘him’ about the new shade of lipstick I just bought? Food for thought! xoxo
Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com
Monday, November 16, 2009
False advertising
I was out on Saturday night with my gal pals; we were in the home of our favourite Powder Room. There were five of us, enjoying the banter and each other’s company; when out of nowhere came a swarm of men!
Luscious Lisa reported the swarm approaching…with a ‘well hello ladies, what have we here’, as I turned around I saw five married men. The first place I looked wasn’t their face, but their left-hand. When I reported so, it wasn’t something Lisa had noticed, but as I surveyed the girls 60% of us said, it would be the first thing they would look for.
They swarmed around and came in for the attack; Lisa was their first victim. Within a few minutes I realised something was missing…a few wedding rings! In fairness to some of them, they were just up for the craic; all clean fun, and they were genuine nice guys, who like us, enjoyed the banter. However, one cheeky chap despite his pal saying he was married with 3 kids denied all knowledge of them. He had a silver band suspiciously looking like a wedding ring on his right hand. As he was asking for my friend’s number, he faked insult when I challenged him on the fact.
Why do men do this? I regularly have this conversation with one of my MBFs who I regularly go for a drink with. He is content in a relationship but that doesn’t stop him putting the charm on the ladies when we are out. He’s an attractive man, and I can see the charm being spread on smoothly…the girl always confirms my status, i.e. making sure I’m not his girlfriend. I regularly give him an ear bashing; saying he’s leading them on and it’s false advertising, as he’s not available for a relationship. Not only that, I think it’s incredibly disrespectful to his lovely girlfriend.
When I was in my early 20's, and I’d get into a conversation with a guy who promptly said he was attached, I use to immaturely translate it as ‘arrogance’ but now with wisdom in my years I appreciate a guy saying that. At least, you can enjoy the conversation for what it is, a pleasant conversation. Unlike some of my friends I don’t believe he’s ‘wasting my time’, I find talking to new people interesting, figuring out how they ‘tick’ fascinating and you always learn something new from each conversation. I love hearing a man’s version of how he met his other half and I love to hear how a man describes his better half…it teaches you a lot about the person. Try it sometime, you’ll see what I mean.
The false advertising however, I do not appreciate. It’s leading us single girls on. I have been a victim of it myself. I think last summer I had three brats in a row. One coincidently lived in my neighbourhood and as I wasn’t drinking that night, I offered him a lift home. We spent an hour talking in the bar and 5 hours talking whilst sitting in my car. A good foundation for the start of something, don’t you think? Getting out of the car he informed me he was ‘unreliable’! Unreliable? What has that got to do with meeting for a coffee? I later discovered he was attached and living with his partner.
Maybe we should start a movement of getting our attached male friends to promptly admit they are attached when they are out; as for our married friends…
Welding the wedding band onto their finger a bit extreme?
Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com
Luscious Lisa reported the swarm approaching…with a ‘well hello ladies, what have we here’, as I turned around I saw five married men. The first place I looked wasn’t their face, but their left-hand. When I reported so, it wasn’t something Lisa had noticed, but as I surveyed the girls 60% of us said, it would be the first thing they would look for.
They swarmed around and came in for the attack; Lisa was their first victim. Within a few minutes I realised something was missing…a few wedding rings! In fairness to some of them, they were just up for the craic; all clean fun, and they were genuine nice guys, who like us, enjoyed the banter. However, one cheeky chap despite his pal saying he was married with 3 kids denied all knowledge of them. He had a silver band suspiciously looking like a wedding ring on his right hand. As he was asking for my friend’s number, he faked insult when I challenged him on the fact.
Why do men do this? I regularly have this conversation with one of my MBFs who I regularly go for a drink with. He is content in a relationship but that doesn’t stop him putting the charm on the ladies when we are out. He’s an attractive man, and I can see the charm being spread on smoothly…the girl always confirms my status, i.e. making sure I’m not his girlfriend. I regularly give him an ear bashing; saying he’s leading them on and it’s false advertising, as he’s not available for a relationship. Not only that, I think it’s incredibly disrespectful to his lovely girlfriend.
When I was in my early 20's, and I’d get into a conversation with a guy who promptly said he was attached, I use to immaturely translate it as ‘arrogance’ but now with wisdom in my years I appreciate a guy saying that. At least, you can enjoy the conversation for what it is, a pleasant conversation. Unlike some of my friends I don’t believe he’s ‘wasting my time’, I find talking to new people interesting, figuring out how they ‘tick’ fascinating and you always learn something new from each conversation. I love hearing a man’s version of how he met his other half and I love to hear how a man describes his better half…it teaches you a lot about the person. Try it sometime, you’ll see what I mean.
The false advertising however, I do not appreciate. It’s leading us single girls on. I have been a victim of it myself. I think last summer I had three brats in a row. One coincidently lived in my neighbourhood and as I wasn’t drinking that night, I offered him a lift home. We spent an hour talking in the bar and 5 hours talking whilst sitting in my car. A good foundation for the start of something, don’t you think? Getting out of the car he informed me he was ‘unreliable’! Unreliable? What has that got to do with meeting for a coffee? I later discovered he was attached and living with his partner.
Maybe we should start a movement of getting our attached male friends to promptly admit they are attached when they are out; as for our married friends…
Welding the wedding band onto their finger a bit extreme?
Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Are men as confused about love as us?
I ran into my soul mate last night; don’t get excited, this isn’t some major revelation, this is the man who appears when I need him most, to pick me up, dust me off but when he disappears he cracks another little piece of my heart!
He is fondly and aptly known as ‘Trouble’, it’s a name coincidently we both used to refer to the other, unknowns’ to each other. Trouble and I always had an ‘on-off’ relationship. You may remember I telling you about a brat who told me he was 37 when I met him; after dating him for some time, I fell upon his passport – come on, I had to look, a peep at the photo and his middle name, his date of birth was irrelevant at the time, I didn’t even look at it initially. Something told me to pick it up for a second look. I’m not one to use profanities but boy did a string of F’s roll off my tongue that night, as I subtracted the year he was born from the year I was born, my screaming voice to: ‘you’re f’ing forty-four’ had quite a ring to it at 4am!
Trouble, is my nemesis. We met on my birthday, 4 or 5 years ago; we caught eyes across a crowded bar and he eloquently said; ‘come here!’...it was his face that drew me in; as my friend Lisa says, he has the face of a cherub. You instantly warm to him; he looks like a good, kind person. It didn’t happen that night for us; it was probably a year later.
If you saw Trouble and I stand side-by-side you’d say he was my perfect other half, physically, we mirror each other, so to speak. One night a complete stranger sitting beside me in a bar, saw Trouble come over, say something into my ear and disappear; she asked if he was my BF, I replied: ‘not exactly’, her response was: ‘you’re cheating nature by not being together’!
If you asked me this time yesterday, I would have told you I was over Trouble, on the path to recovery so to speak. As soon as a friend mentioned he was in the bar last night, I could think of nothing else. Five minutes later my tummy is doing summersaults. My friend Cara was with me, I admitted there and then without hesitation that I was still in love with him, but I know I can’t go back!
Apart from the occasional conversation about Trouble’s upbringing, I know very little about him. He’s a closed shop, you get windows of opportunity, when he’s unaware he lets the guard down. You might get a snippet of insight into who Trouble really is, or what his life experiences are. He’ll talk about work and family but nothing more than superficial stuff. When he speaks proudly of his nephews, you know he would make a great dad. I have no idea of past relationships; I only know what a close friend of his has told me. Ever heard the expression ‘the left hand doesn’t know what the right is doing?’ well in Trouble’s case, the left hand, doesn’t realise the right hand even exists!
The weekend of the All Ireland Football Final I ran into Trouble whilst in our regular watering hole, I was on a girlie night with my good friend Rose, Trouble approached and said: ‘hey, how are you?’; on occasions like this, he usually gave my friends the Spanish inquisition; asking ‘where were they from, how long they had known me, and how did we meet’. This time he didn’t get to put Rose through her paces as I coldly said: ‘I’m not talking to you!’ and I turned away. Not my typical style but he had recently hurt me.
Trouble tends to display Jekyll and Hyde qualities, during a crisis six months ago, he was amazing, very supportive, I could have never imagined the support I got; it was completely unsolicited. He’s the best in the world for advice; about 3 months ago I rung Trouble, left a voicemail asking to give me a call; but I got no response, a week later I sent an SMS suggesting brunch I told him I needed ‘big brother’ advice. On the same day his profile appeared on my Facebook as a ‘friend suggestion’, I added him; he never responded to my text and to this day the ‘friend request’; now typically I don’t tend to think twice about ‘friend requests’ and I am not going to get sensitive about it but when it comes to ‘Trouble’ I took it to heart. Going from Mr Supportive to Mr Invisible? Hence the cold shoulder!
Rose and I had planned to meet other friends in the bar that night; my MBF was up from home. Once we found them, Trouble decided to position himself directly in my line of vision.
Ok, I was bold, and played games which I don’t typically do, but I told my MBF, that Trouble was watching and I openly flirted with my MBF for show. My MBF knew what I was at, and although my MBF knew who Trouble was, they had never met.
Last night, Trouble beckoned with his little finger, after he did a double take when he saw me, being a girl I of course had to get my dig in about him ignoring my call/text/friendship request; I am human after all! He retorted: ‘what, for big brother brunch?!’ I think the ‘brother’ was like salt on a wound. Trouble has a 14 year olds view on relationships, kiss a girl once and cut all ties...he has to do ‘all or nothing’, told him to grow up that he was 45 not 14...I am not confrontational, Trouble can dish the grief but can’t take it and he walked away.
Back I went to Cara to fill her in on the encounter, she was chatting to a nice guy, Ben. Cara quickly brought Ben up to speed; he informed me the ‘old flame’ still had feelings for me...according to Ben, men know these things seemingly! I said: ‘how do you think that?’ he replied ‘he can’t take his eyes off you and he’s throwing me daggers!
Prior to last night’s encounter, I often wondered if Trouble had treated me ‘mean to keep me keen’ in the past, if he really wasn’t all that into me but now I wonder if he’s capable of intimacy and letting himself go. During our on-off relationship it had crossed my mind that he’d been hurt very badly in the past by someone. Last night, in front of me, he described me to his friend as a beautiful, charming and caring person. That’s three more compliments than I have ever received from him in the past.
Over a milkshake he informed me how hurt he was to see me ‘flaunting’ someone in front of him, in ‘our’ place; referring to the watering hole, where we met and where our relationship developed and later saw its demise. The flaunting was me playing games with my MBF...oh, the guilt!
When I said to him, ‘it’s like you don’t want me, but you don’t want anyone else to have me’ he kept saying: ‘but you’re not listening to me, you’re not hearing me’ but he couldn’t verbalise whatever point he was trying to get across. I know he cares, I’d get lost in my thoughts, and he’d bring me back to reality by saying in the softest caring voice ‘are you ok?’ But none of it is enough.
Of course he tried his best to get me back to his, I told him I couldn’t, when he asked: ‘why?’, I told him it was because I loved him, and it would take me six months to get back to where I am now.
I boldly walked away and left him at Trinity College, whilst he was trying to hail a cab for us.
I text him when I got home, apologising for leaving him there but also saying: ‘I am in search of ‘my person’, someone to be with me through thick and thin, but you will always be ‘my trouble’, I will always love you and that I am here if you ever need me’.
I can guarantee this story, although yet unknown, is to be continued...
Comments can be sent privately to powderroomtales@gmail.com
He is fondly and aptly known as ‘Trouble’, it’s a name coincidently we both used to refer to the other, unknowns’ to each other. Trouble and I always had an ‘on-off’ relationship. You may remember I telling you about a brat who told me he was 37 when I met him; after dating him for some time, I fell upon his passport – come on, I had to look, a peep at the photo and his middle name, his date of birth was irrelevant at the time, I didn’t even look at it initially. Something told me to pick it up for a second look. I’m not one to use profanities but boy did a string of F’s roll off my tongue that night, as I subtracted the year he was born from the year I was born, my screaming voice to: ‘you’re f’ing forty-four’ had quite a ring to it at 4am!
Trouble, is my nemesis. We met on my birthday, 4 or 5 years ago; we caught eyes across a crowded bar and he eloquently said; ‘come here!’...it was his face that drew me in; as my friend Lisa says, he has the face of a cherub. You instantly warm to him; he looks like a good, kind person. It didn’t happen that night for us; it was probably a year later.
If you saw Trouble and I stand side-by-side you’d say he was my perfect other half, physically, we mirror each other, so to speak. One night a complete stranger sitting beside me in a bar, saw Trouble come over, say something into my ear and disappear; she asked if he was my BF, I replied: ‘not exactly’, her response was: ‘you’re cheating nature by not being together’!
If you asked me this time yesterday, I would have told you I was over Trouble, on the path to recovery so to speak. As soon as a friend mentioned he was in the bar last night, I could think of nothing else. Five minutes later my tummy is doing summersaults. My friend Cara was with me, I admitted there and then without hesitation that I was still in love with him, but I know I can’t go back!
Apart from the occasional conversation about Trouble’s upbringing, I know very little about him. He’s a closed shop, you get windows of opportunity, when he’s unaware he lets the guard down. You might get a snippet of insight into who Trouble really is, or what his life experiences are. He’ll talk about work and family but nothing more than superficial stuff. When he speaks proudly of his nephews, you know he would make a great dad. I have no idea of past relationships; I only know what a close friend of his has told me. Ever heard the expression ‘the left hand doesn’t know what the right is doing?’ well in Trouble’s case, the left hand, doesn’t realise the right hand even exists!
The weekend of the All Ireland Football Final I ran into Trouble whilst in our regular watering hole, I was on a girlie night with my good friend Rose, Trouble approached and said: ‘hey, how are you?’; on occasions like this, he usually gave my friends the Spanish inquisition; asking ‘where were they from, how long they had known me, and how did we meet’. This time he didn’t get to put Rose through her paces as I coldly said: ‘I’m not talking to you!’ and I turned away. Not my typical style but he had recently hurt me.
Trouble tends to display Jekyll and Hyde qualities, during a crisis six months ago, he was amazing, very supportive, I could have never imagined the support I got; it was completely unsolicited. He’s the best in the world for advice; about 3 months ago I rung Trouble, left a voicemail asking to give me a call; but I got no response, a week later I sent an SMS suggesting brunch I told him I needed ‘big brother’ advice. On the same day his profile appeared on my Facebook as a ‘friend suggestion’, I added him; he never responded to my text and to this day the ‘friend request’; now typically I don’t tend to think twice about ‘friend requests’ and I am not going to get sensitive about it but when it comes to ‘Trouble’ I took it to heart. Going from Mr Supportive to Mr Invisible? Hence the cold shoulder!
Rose and I had planned to meet other friends in the bar that night; my MBF was up from home. Once we found them, Trouble decided to position himself directly in my line of vision.
Ok, I was bold, and played games which I don’t typically do, but I told my MBF, that Trouble was watching and I openly flirted with my MBF for show. My MBF knew what I was at, and although my MBF knew who Trouble was, they had never met.
Last night, Trouble beckoned with his little finger, after he did a double take when he saw me, being a girl I of course had to get my dig in about him ignoring my call/text/friendship request; I am human after all! He retorted: ‘what, for big brother brunch?!’ I think the ‘brother’ was like salt on a wound. Trouble has a 14 year olds view on relationships, kiss a girl once and cut all ties...he has to do ‘all or nothing’, told him to grow up that he was 45 not 14...I am not confrontational, Trouble can dish the grief but can’t take it and he walked away.
Back I went to Cara to fill her in on the encounter, she was chatting to a nice guy, Ben. Cara quickly brought Ben up to speed; he informed me the ‘old flame’ still had feelings for me...according to Ben, men know these things seemingly! I said: ‘how do you think that?’ he replied ‘he can’t take his eyes off you and he’s throwing me daggers!
Prior to last night’s encounter, I often wondered if Trouble had treated me ‘mean to keep me keen’ in the past, if he really wasn’t all that into me but now I wonder if he’s capable of intimacy and letting himself go. During our on-off relationship it had crossed my mind that he’d been hurt very badly in the past by someone. Last night, in front of me, he described me to his friend as a beautiful, charming and caring person. That’s three more compliments than I have ever received from him in the past.
Over a milkshake he informed me how hurt he was to see me ‘flaunting’ someone in front of him, in ‘our’ place; referring to the watering hole, where we met and where our relationship developed and later saw its demise. The flaunting was me playing games with my MBF...oh, the guilt!
When I said to him, ‘it’s like you don’t want me, but you don’t want anyone else to have me’ he kept saying: ‘but you’re not listening to me, you’re not hearing me’ but he couldn’t verbalise whatever point he was trying to get across. I know he cares, I’d get lost in my thoughts, and he’d bring me back to reality by saying in the softest caring voice ‘are you ok?’ But none of it is enough.
Of course he tried his best to get me back to his, I told him I couldn’t, when he asked: ‘why?’, I told him it was because I loved him, and it would take me six months to get back to where I am now.
I boldly walked away and left him at Trinity College, whilst he was trying to hail a cab for us.
I text him when I got home, apologising for leaving him there but also saying: ‘I am in search of ‘my person’, someone to be with me through thick and thin, but you will always be ‘my trouble’, I will always love you and that I am here if you ever need me’.
I can guarantee this story, although yet unknown, is to be continued...
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